SENTENCE OF THE YEAR: Poached Thai

Well, at least in South Africa, the trial and sentence that most pleased me this year was that against a certain man from Thailand called Chumlong Lemtongthai. Yes, pleased me, and, yes, a Thai.

Or, to be more exact, a rhino poacher.

With the plight of rhinos being the environmental cause célébre that galvanized ordinary South Africans this year, it seemed fitting that one of the most amazing judicial decisions of the year should be against one of the heartless bastards who hack these magnificent animals for their horns so as to satisfy their own greed and the ludicrous superstitions of their clients.

Photo of a mutilated, dehorned and recuperating female rhino, courtesy of MSN News


It is not surprising that it was an Asian who was tried and found guilty in this case. Without the vociferous Oriental appetite (mostly Chinese, but also other Far Eastern countries) for rhino horn and their supposed ‘magical’ powers and other concoctions, there would be no trade in rhino horn. It’s as simple as that. Usually this barbaric mutilation of wildlife is to boost sexual prowess and other such nonsense, although in this case it was purportedly for a 'cancer cure.'

It is said that rhino horn is worth $65 000 a kilogram in countries like China, Thailand and Vietnam, making it worth more per ounce than gold.

This barbarian had taken advantage of the country's legislation which permits foreigners to hunt rhinos and then send the horns back home as part of trophy hunting' (in itself an outrageous travesty of a law which can only attract barbarians such as this and which must change in South Africa).

In the space of just seven months over two dozen rhinos had been killed for their horn due to 'special permits' obtained by this Thai 'businessman.' Rhino henchman is more like it.

The final judgement against this Thai bastard? 40 years.

Yes, 40 years.

That is more than even the mandatory sentence for murder in South Africa.

In delivering his momentous decision, the South African jurist, Judge Prince Manyathi, was quoted as stating that rhinos were a symbol of the country and the entire continent of Africa, adding that, “We cannot allow anybody to take our pride away."

Strange jurisprudential logic to equate rhino poaching with "the pride of a nation", but, I'll take a groundbreaking legal victory like this anyway it is served!




Artwork by the Wildlands Conservation Rhino Trust, courtesy of Behance

Fundisile Mketeni, deputy director general of South Africa's environment ministry said it very well: "South African citizens are serious about this. This is the heritage of the people of South Africa. It is the heritage of the people of Africa. It is the heritage of the people of the world."

You're damn right about that.

Down you go, Chumlong Lemtongthai - you, and all the other swill who dare to desecrate our beautiful and irrecoverable natural heritage.

RANT: Of Mice and Sell-Outs

A golden opportunity came and went here on the southern tip of darkest Africa. I usually don't write about South African politics because (1) it bores me to tears (2) it's hardly democracy anyway and (3) I frankly don't give a damn anyway.

But in the past few days a momentous time occurred here in this banana republic. Or, rather, it should have been momentous. What happened is that the (mis)ruling African National Congress (ANC) had their annual powwow in the city of Mangaung (Bloemfonetin to the rest of us). It was the annual meeting of all the diehard sell-outs...ahem, delegates of the ANC to choose the leader of the party, deputy leader, chief cookie maker, etc etc.

Usually it's all very boring and of absolutely no interest to me or 99.7% of the country's population, but this year was a bit more important. Because this was the year when all the incompetencies, gross corruption and general pathetic state of Jacob Zuma should have finally come to the fore and he should have had his sorry (fat) ass kicked out of being party leader and, therefore, President of this sorry country.

But, alas, it was not meant to be. Instead, the political geniuses that are the ANC cadres decided to give the decrepit twerp another chance. How typically African - 'let's keep giving the corrupt, inane and ego-driven leader just one more chance because, hey, we're all about second chances and ubuntu and all that other nonsense.'  

So, instead of waking up to a new dawn in South African politics with a more modern, forward-thinking and less populist leader like the charismatic Cyril Ramaphosa:



Photo courtesy of Forbes

Ramaphosa might be a king player in the ultra-rich black elite of South Africa and he may have become a multi-billionaire with (much) thanks to the nonsense social engineering that is black economic empowerment (BEE), but at least he has a business mind and half-decent credentials. It's more than one can say (on any level) for Zuma.

He did come second in the voting, so is now deputy-head of the party and, therefore, should now be the Vice President of this merry little republic.

Although as for that McDonalds pin on his lapel in the photo above...ahem...

We instead continue to fumble along in the stupor that is South Africa being ruled by one of the most inept, uneducated and frankly embarrassing leaders that ever walked African soil (and that is against some damn stiff competition as we all know). This is what continues to be the leader of the richest and most powerful country in Africa:





Photo courtesy of the (ludicrously titled South African site) Football is Coming Home

Yip, the above is what this nation continues to be saddled with - a populist, divisive buffoon writ large and with way too much power.

Thank you so much to the ANC delegates at Bloemfontein. The mock democracy that is that of South Africa continues to dawdle along like some child that simply refuses to pass into adolescence, never mind adulthood.

Then again, and as I always say whenever bad and rotten leadership raises its ugly head anywhere in the world: a people gets the government it deserves.

Do you get my point?

RANT: Eskom the Water Hog

Much ado is made about how coal-fired power stations around the world are deemed by climate change scientists to be the number one contributor to global warming and, therefore, potential climate change. 

Much ado is also made about the obvious related air pollution issues resulting from coal-fired power stations.

Much ado is also made about the fact that, give or take a hundred years or so, coal is simply not a renewable source of energy and, therefore, cannot be considered a sustainable source of energy. 

Much ado is made against coal as an energy source for all the right reasons.

Simply put: it's a dirty, unsustainable source of energy for humanity going forward.

But another huge ill befalls the environment when coal is used to power energy: water.

The Blue Gold of the 21st century is used in phenomenal, almost unfathomable quantities in order for coal to be generated into electricity. The amounts of water needed are nothing short of stunning - and not in a good way.

I have read an excellent study released by Greenpeace Africa, who have their headquarters here in Johannesburg, and entitled "Water Hungry Coal: Burning South Africa's water to produce electricity." It's a scathing and detailed exposé of just how much water is used by the South African government-owned electricity utility, Eskom.



Below is a brilliant (and scary) graphic from this PDF article showing just how much water is consumed when coal is used to make electricity (save and then click on to enlarge if needed):

It's frightening. And this in a country that is considered 'water-scarce' by the World Meteorological Organisation and other expert groups.

Ah, yes, Eskom - the bête noir of all environmentalists and green energy activists in South Africa, myself firmly included amongst them. Firmly in the pocket of the coal and nuclear lobbies in this country, it is all-powerful and do-very-little in South Africa's energy efficiency and sustainability stakes. 



A greenwasher of note, with token efforts thus far at a solar farm, a wind farm, and energy efficient geyser and bulb replacement initiatives, Eskom is said to emit more CO₂ than the countries of Sweden, Norway, Finland, Denmark and Switzerland combined! Makes me very proud to live (and use electricity) in South Africa.

With this excellent article, Greenpeace Africa makes the final point that all of us who care about the environment make all the time, again and again: the future can only be in renewable energies. It is not in 19th-century technology like coal or (heaven forbid) nuclear. 

Never mind that electricity from coal pollutes our air and puts the climate future of this planet in peril, it can literally make us die of thirst.

Do you get my point? 

RAVE: Hail, Rodriguez the Poet!

This week I was so fortunate to see an excellent documentary called “Searching for Sugarman.” It was made riveting by the fact that the documentary unravelled like a detective story.

But this was no ordinary gumshoe detective story. The detectives in this enthralling ‘caper’ were two South Africans, one a music producer, the other a self-styled ‘musical detective,’ who embarked on a tenacious, topsy-turvy and quite brilliant quest to discover what had happened to one of the most enigmatic music geniuses of the 1970s. This was a musical genius who had galvanized the South African anti-apartheid movement and the conscience of countless white South African youth at that time, the time of apartheid’s ugliest nadir.

To South Africans in the early- to mid-1970s (and beyond), and especially white South Africans, this folk hero was bigger than Bob Dylan. Yes, Bob Dylan.

His name was Rodriguez.

And, suddenly, after two studio albums of his were released in the early 1970s he just disappeared. An absolute nobody in his native United States, it was here in South Africa that people started to seriously ask: ‘Who was Rodriguez?’ and, more so, ‘What happened to Rodriguez?’

Urban myths abounded including that he had shot himself in the head on stage or even set himself alight on stage. The documentary reveals in fascinating detail how it turned out that Sixto Rodriguez was not dead but alive and well and living in his hometown of Detroit. Rather, he was alive but not necessarily that well, at least materially speaking. Having spent most of his years doing hard labour in odd jobs like carpentry and carpentry, Rodriguez was living a very frugal life in a quite delapidated house in a decidedly rundown part of inner city Detroit.

Our intrepid detectives finally got hold of him and brought the soft-spoken, painfully shy and incredibly modest Rodriguez to do some concerts in Cape Town in 1998, back to the country which had loved him and his music like no other. His concerts were sell-out pop culture events in Cape Town, and the footage of the adoring South African crowds, almost all white, many in tears and screaming as Rodriguez strutted his inimitable stuff on stage, moved me to tears.

Watching how much effort the intrepid musical detectives made to track him down and how much love was poured at him in these shows made me proud to be a white South African. Proud that it was it was (mostly) due to white South Africa that this brilliant but obscure folk singer of Mexican heritage was at least loved and respected somewhere in the world. Make that adored – after all, it’s estimated that he probably sold half a million records in South Africa, the ‘money trail’ of which formed a central vein in this delicious musico detective story.

This profound poet, American though he may be, is ours.

What astounded me even more is how familiar I was with his music without even having realized or known that they were the songs of Rodriguez. I was quite embarrassed by that, let me tell you! The song “I Wonder” is foremost in my memory of a 1970s childhood in apartheid Johannesburg, and hearing it again has had me constantly humming it this entire week, so familiar it was to me. I know I heard and liked that and other of his songs as a young boy, yet I don’t think either of my brothers ever had his records, nor could I have heard it on the radio as it was mostly banned at the time. But I knew his music well.

When raving about the documentary to a good friend and colleague of mine the next day, she nodded her head vigorously and told me he was indeed “much bigger than Bob Dylan” in this country, and that listening to Rodriguez was what “all the cool high school kids did” back in those days. Such was his hold on South Africans yearning to be anti-establishment in whatever way possible.

He continues to live his frugal, very modest life in Detroit. Many trips and concerts back here in South Africa have no doubt made him some money, but at the end of the documentary it was stated that he gave most of his money away to family and friends. Because this is what Rodriguez the poet and the musician is all about – the music, the poetry, and the pure love of it all. He is not about the money nor the fame nor the trappings of wealth and celebrity to which so many ‘musicians’ today so readily aspire. He is true to himself and he has chartered his own, very hard but very honest path. And he looks to me one of the most content men I have ever seen.

This man with a voice richer and far better than that of Bob Dylan, this lyricist easily on par in depth and poetry as Dylan – this man is nothing short of genius.


Photo courtesy of filmgordon.wordpress.com

Rodriguez is an unsung music hero and remains an underappreciated poet of undeniable talent. There is a certain sadness for me in the fact that he is still not as famous and revered around the world as he should be. However, it is in his unique contentment that I find much so much solace for his sake.

Rodriguez may not be as wealthy or well-known as he deserves, but he may very well be the richest man I have ever seen.   

Rodriguez, your contentment and truth to self is inspiration to me, as it no doubt is to so many others.

RANT: Makes Me Fracking Mad

"Fracking Gets Backing" screamed the newspaper headline from lampposts here in Johannesburg yesterday. That made my blood boil, and not for the first time on this issue of fracking that has become so divisive in this maddening country in which I live.

According to Wikipedia, "Induced hydraulic fracturing or hydrofracking, commonly known as fracking, is a technique used to release petroleum, natural gas (including shale gas, tight gas and coal seam gas), or other substances for extraction.This type of fracturing creates fractures from a wellbore drilled into reservoir rock formations." The fracking in question here is for supposedly significant amounts of natural gas that South Africa has in its semi-desert region known as the Karoo.

Below is a simple schematic showing how fracking essentially operates:



Hmmmm...all that underground water seems to be in the way of all the drilling and surge in release of natural gas...this cannot be a good thing.

More about the debacle from a South African perspective, as from the www.savingwater.co.za site:
"Speaking at the Shale Gas Conference in Johannesburg [held in July 2011], chairman of Treasure Karoo Action Group (TKAG) Jonathan Deal said there was not enough evidence at hand that the potential benefits of fracturing could outweigh the attached risks. “At this juncture of our history, with climate warming on the increase and increased threats to water supplies it would make corporate and social sense to invest research and development funds in seeking renewable energy alternatives, rather than pursuing finite fossil fuels,” said Deal.

Yes, we're back to that tired, tired, tired refrain by those of us who care about this planet and the future sustianability thereof that our energy future SHOULD NOT rest on fossil fuels like natural gas.

For anoyone remotely still in doubt as to the madness of engaging in this type of drilling for natural gas, I defy them to see the following documentary:



"Can you light your water on fire?" reads the alarming, wry caption. Indeed.

And then tell me you still think fracking is a rollicking good idea for energy.

I am cursed to be living in a country with such plentiful renewable energy potential, whether from solar, wind or wave, and yet that keeps investing in malignant, unsustainable energy from coal, nuclear and, now, natural gas.

South Africa is fast becoming the 'environmental Canada' of Africa - such a 'nice guy image', the feel-good 'peacemaker', even great environmental laws, and yet a big, fat polluting behemoth that deserves nothing but contempt from other nations at least making an attempt at more renewable energy.

Fracking gets backing? But, of course - after all, I do live in a corrupt, facile country that says all the right things to the world but screws its own citizens to the hilt back home. Even when it comes to how we get our lights on.

Do you get my point?

RAVE: The Cup Runneth Over (and Out)

The 2010 football World Cup comes to an end today. South Africa has done itself proud. It has showcased a (mostly) well run and well-regarded World Cup. As I always knew it would. Perhaps now a few less Americans will think we all live in huts without electricity (well, a few million amongst us actually do, but that's a whole other issue) and walk on dirt roads alongside herds of antelope, lions and elephants.

The month has gone by quickly, it must be said. And, whilst there were some great goals and a (very few) great matches, I must admit that I'm actually quite happy that this whole event is finally coming to an end.

For the following, I am most grateful:

• No more vuvuzelas
• No more being a FIFAdom. Now we can just be corrupt, South African style
• No more of those tiresome and endless countdowns
• No more overpaid, over-pampered and overrated football 'stars'
• No more of those garish yellow shirts worn by locals 'supporting our boys' every Friday
• No more ersatz patriotism
• No more flags, flags, flags everywhere...and I mean everywhere
• No more South Africans feeling 'proudly African' (whilst being the most xenophobic Africans on the continent)
• No more vuvuzelas
• No more yucky, gut-churning local adverts with 'rousing', viva South Africa themes
• No more Shakira warbling that horrible 'Waka Waka' song 
• No more the words '2010' having so much (too much) meaning for an entire nation
• No more bloody World Cup
• Did I mention no more vuvuzelas?

For all these reasons, and more, I am grateful.

Now on to the post-Cup revelations and scandals and national depression. It may be a bumpy ride.

RANT: King Shaka Would've Wept

South Africa has fared commendably well in hosting the 2010 World Cup. Our FIFAdom has done the world's biggest football showcase proud (not to mention the money-grabbing FIFA capos and local elite, of course).

But there have been some major gaffes along the way. The Bavaria beer mini skirted Dutch lasses come to mind. But few things about this World Cup have infuriated me more than the debacle that occurred at King Shaka International Airport in Durban on Wednesday night. Okay, the infernal vuvuzela has infuriated me more, but this comes damn close.

It was the night that Spain were playing Germany in the semi-finals of the Cup at the Durban stadium. So, naturally, the airport was quite busy with flights coming in and out. So busy that three aircraft, two from Johannesburg and one from Cape Town, were forced to return to their departure airports because there were no parking bays available.

Yip, that's right, a purpose-built spanking brand new airport which cost R6.8-billion (almost a billion US dollars) and dubbing itself 'International' just couldn't cope with a few extra domestic flights. So much for planning, guys.

The kind of planning that would have made the famous Zulu warrior, King Shaka, roar with anger. Or weep in shame.

But it gets better. The actual reason given by the Airports Company South Africa (ACSA) as to why the three planes had to return was because...wait for it, because it's jaw-dropping stuff... there were simply too many 'VIP' jets on the tarmac that refused to budge.

What?!

That's right. A bunch of VIP jets had supposedly parked willy-nilly all over the tarmac (as one would expect at an international airport during an international event) AND, better still, flatly refused to budge when asked to do so by air traffic control.

As a result, 700 people were left stranded back in Johannesburg and Cape Town. And many of them were football fans who had spent small fortunes on flights and tickets to attend the semi-final in Durban.

Have you ever heard such outrageous crap in all your life?!

Let's consider:

1. Since when does an airport authority and traffic control get told what to do by any airplane or any pilot sitting on any tarmac at any airport?
2. What happened to that trusted, ages-old stalwart which is absolutely mandatory for any flight anywhere in the world, namely a flight plan? You know - the one that allows a flight to take off from one place so that it may actually land at its pre-scheduled destination? Barring inclement weather or security issues or some type of emergency, why else should an aircraft not land at its destination?
3. A fleet of jets belonging to a bunch of self-important VIP tossers who are too arrogant and self-important to shift on a tarmac is not an emergency.
4. Would these same aircraft pilots for these Very Very Important People dare to pull such a stunt at an airport in Europe? Or the United States? Or most other countries for that matter? No, of course they wouldn't dare. But this is Africa - so to hell with us and our silly little aviation needs and rules.
5. Who exactly are these 'Very Important People' who can have their jets do as they please at an airport and have ACSA running around like headless chickens and making the most appallingly stupid excuses to these passengers and the South African public the next day? I want to see a list of these pompous, arrogant schmucks.
6. If this isn't a superb example of just how elitist and 'VIP'-whored this World Cup (and the world in general these days) has become, then I don't know what is.
7. Is it any surprise that some of these pesky little VIP jets belonged to FIFA? Enough said.

On their website's homepage, ACSA has a press release entitled "ACSA claries the King Shaka International Airport congestion". I think they meant to say clarifies. Ahem.

And that word "congestion" does rather rankle.

The latest travesty is that, after much outcry by passengers and the media alike, ACSA has now deigned to reimburse those passengers who had the Trip From Hell that night. BUT, let it be known, only those people who can prove that they had tickets for the game that night and were intending to attend. So to hell with those other suckers that night on those three aircraft who just happened to be flying to Durban for whatever other (clearly totally irrelevant) reasons. They lose all their money. That does make sense.

ACSA has been nothing short of an embarrassment. This entire debacle has been nothing short of an embarrassment.

The capitulation to those who consider themselves above the law and, of course, the rest of us is beyond embarrassing. It's disgusting in its blatant and feudalistic elitism.

So much for having an 'equal and fair' playing ground for all fans at this year's FIFA(dom) World Cup.

Do you get my point?

RAVE (OF SORTS): My Point Is Made

A few days ago I ranted on this blog about how sick and tired I was of how South Africans were now suddenly supposed to be all 'pro-African' and all 'pro-Ghana', the last remaining team at the time in the World Cup. The constant harping on about how this was 'Africa's World Cup' annoys me no end. I found it all so unncessary, given that I, for one, have nothing in common with Ghana or any other African nation for that matter.

What even irked me more, and I stated it in said post, was the sheer hypocrisy of many South Africans to be suddenly so 'pro-Africa' given the enormous levels of xenophobic violence against African immigrants that this country has seen in the past few years.

I was told today that on the radio the reports are coming out that this country could be on the verge of another of these xenophobia-fueled riots and violence. It was said that African immigrants in black townships like Alexandra, Diepsloot and many others around the country are bracing themselves for all-out attacks by local blacks wanting them out.

How dare locals think that they can attack, maim and even kill foreign immigrants because they're perceived to be 'taking our jobs' or 'causing crime in this country' or, most ridiculously of all, 'taking our women'. It's the classic case of xenophobic nonsense the world over.

They're not taking your jobs - they're just more hardworking than you. In my experience, South Africans are not always the most industrious, competent or hardworking people I've met.

The crime excuse is so laughable as to be downright stupid. This has always been a crime-ridden country, even during the schizphrenic police state it was in the apartheid era. It is true that Nigerian and Zimbabwean and Egyptian, etc, crime cartels have done very well in this country. But that hardly excuses the fact that much of our crime is indeed very homegrown. As it has always been.

And if you want to keep blaming the foreign criminals for being here, then blame Mandela. We have him to thank for flinging this country's borders wide open to the rest of Africa after 1994.

See how the blame game can get tricky...?

As for foreigners taking local women, I'm actually not at all surprised. Many of the men from West and Central Africa are a darn sight taller, better built and better-looking than the local men. All power to the local women if they do run off with other African men - they just have damn good taste.

I believe a Zimbabwean man who lives in Alexandra in Johannesburg was interviewed and said he was genuinely scared about the prospect of being attacked again. He said he'd lived here ten years, was law-abiding, had taken work from no one as he worked for himself, and had certainly never stolen anyone's woman. I have met countless Zimbabweans just like him - hardworking, polite, usually well-educated and trying to make an honest buck in a bloody hard, unforgiving country.

Except this time he said it would be different - this time, he said, he and others will fight back.

As they absolutely should.

I was utterly embarrassed and ashamed as a South African citizen when all of these xenophobic attacks erupted two years ago. Which is why I never shut up at the time telling every other South African just how disgusting it all was and how outraged I was - and that included classrooms full of students and delegates I was training or facilitating. I've never encountered so much hushed silence and palpable shame (and disdain at me too, let it be said) in all my time as a professional.

This country has a barbaric and racist past that few other countries can match, and it was horrific to see it rear its ugly head again. And this time, black-on-black racism. I can only hope it won't do so again.

Which is why I feel vindicated in my contempt for South Africans bleating on about how 'African' they are and how much they 'love' and support other African teams. It's hypocrisy of the kind only a warped society like this can muster.

I may be vindicated - but it's hollow vindication indeed.

RANT: Support Who?!

It's been a World Cup that has disappointed me with all of my most favourite teams now out and annoyed me to hell and back with the emergence of the omnipresent vuvuzela.

It's also been a World Cup that has irked me because of all the ersatz patriotism that has abounded, as I ranted about in a recent post. It's an extension of this issue that brings me to my latest rant:

Why the hell is it that all of us in South Africa were automatically expected to support Ghana?! The newspapers and media were rife with headlines booming how 'Ghana was Africa's last hope' in the quarter-finals and how 'all South Africans were now behind the Black Stars (the team of Ghana)' and the like.

According to whom were all these sweeping generalizations being made?

I certainly was not supporting Ghana or any other African country for that matter. And why should I?

Perhaps it's because of the constant bleating by the South African organizers that this was to be "Africa's World Cup". Really? So then why the hell did we have to fork out all the money for all the revamped and new stadia? Where was the money from Nigeria or Ghana or Egypt or Burkina Faso for all that it took to make this the quite successful World Cup it has been? Nowhere.

Mandela, Tutu, Mbeki, Zuma, Blatter - all of them must take the blame for having bleated on and on and on about how this was "Africa's big chance" to show the rest of the world what we were capable of. What utter nonsense.

Shame on the likes of Mandela and Tutu for not realizing that you build your own national identity on who you are as a proud nation, not how you perceive yourself amongst 52 other nations.

Even the opening ceremony was decimated with tiresome song after song from other parts of Africa, nearly all of which were downright awful, and an utter disgrace when one considers that South Africa has some of the most fantastic and diverse music on the African continent. It was ridiculous.

Let's get this straight, once and for all: This was a South African World Cup organized for the large part by South Africans with the type of infrastructure and logistics that only South Africa could pull off on this continent - or at least the sub-Saharan part thereof. All this crapola about it being 'African' was just a media, marketing and political construct to bring a sense of 'ethnicity' and, perversely, 'authenticity' to an event which FIFA had the cheek to also dub 'an African tournament for the world'. No, it was a South African tournament for the world.

It's as if South Africa could never be 'authentic' enough by just being itself - one nation at the tip of the African continent made up of a gazillion different races, ethnicities, languages, creeds, etc. A unique nation in Africa, quite possibly in the world. Was that not enough for us to celebrate and share with the world? Oh no, we had to keep looking northwards and making ourselves and the rest of the world believe that all of Africa was in this together. No, it bloody well was not.

It's all part of this tiresome nation-building nonsense that one has to endure in this country. This country that, after so many years in the political and cultural wilderness due to apartheid, is now trying so hard to endear itself to the rest of Africa and, by proxy, the rest of the world. It's all so put on and so utterly unconvincing to an insider such as myself.

And let me tell you why: because Africa is not one huge homogeneous continent, whatever Sepp Blatter and the world's media might like to think. This is as fractured and as divided and as brother-hating a continent as any other. Just look at all the wars and divisions that still persist on this continent. Just look at what an inept joke the Organisation for African Unity (OAU) continues to be. And need I remind South Africans and all the Africans living in this country of the heinous and horrific attacks that took place against African immigrants just two years ago by the very locals who now fly the Ghanaian flag at football matches because we are all African brothers.

And if there is indeed so much African brotherly love in this country, then why is it that the South African Police Service (SAPS) announced just three days ago that there would be swift police action against any locals who harassed, taunted or otherwise victimized or discriminated against any African immigrants living in this country.

Time and time again in my dealings with immigrants in this country from Zimbabwe, Nigeria, Mozambique, Angola, the DRC and other African nations I have asked how they find living here. Inevitably, after a long pause or roll of the eyes, I am politely told that they mostly dislike (even hate) living in this country, primarily because of the extreme xenophobia and racism they encounter every single day - NOT from white South Africans but, time and time again when asked, from black South Africans.

So much for the African brotherhood.

This is not an anti-Africa diatribe. This is anti-hypocrisy and anti-political correctness diatribe. The hypocrisy of a nation that is mostly unwelcoming, even violent, to other Africans and yet gets all hyper-emotional about the last African team standing in the World Cup. The political correctness of our local media and that of the international media in supporting the 'African' (read: poor, exploited, corrupt, disadvantaged) team. Even the English media told all their readers and listeners to 'get behind Ghana' after their own appalling and overrated national team were ousted? Why? Is it because they're from a 'poor black country' that happens to speak English?

And how utterly patronizing to assume that an entire continent would support a single team! As if Algeria is identical to Guinea which is identical to Zimbabwe. It's like shouting that Germans and Serbians and Portuguese must support Italy just because the latter is European! The hell they will! Or that Venezuelans and Chileans and Bolivians should be ecstatic if Brazil or Argentina were to win. Yeah, right! And why the hell should they? Just because they're all on the same continent? Europeans wouldn't do it, nor would Latin Americans or Asians - so why the hell should that utterly silly double-standard be applied to an entire continent of a billion, incredibly diverse and polyglot people like Africa?

Is Africa really that desperate for identity and a sense of self? Or is it just the imposition of how a frankly racist world media, that hasn't a blinking clue of the historical, political and cultural realities of Africa, feels Africa should feel about itself? A self-perpetuating myth that, amazingly, so many Africans it seems have swallowed in full themselves and regurgitate back to a patronizing and self-important politically correct world?

It's modern racist neo-colonialism at its worst. And Africa seemingly buys it hook, line and sinker.

What the hell do I have in common with Ghana? Why must I feel all 'African' just because of where I was born or happen to live? I'm of European and Latin descent and Roman Catholic-born. I had more in common, culturally and otherwize, with Uruguay that night. And I was overjoyed when they beat a rough-playing, dirty Ghanaian side. Thrilled. And I know a lot of that joy surfaced because I resented being made to feel that I should somehow support Ghana just because they're from the same continent as the country in which I live. To hell with that nonsense. Viva Uruguay!

And I did wonder: what if the last African team in the competition had been Algeria? Would there have been quite the same fervour to support another African team in this country? Hmmm, interesting point that.

Ghana didn't deserve it. Ghana was not robbed. Ghana did well enough, but went far enough. Ghana were just the latest poster boys in the patronizing political correctness that grips the world every time we have one of these events. It could have been Cameroon or Cote d'Ivoire or Nigeria. They're all African after all. All black (well, mostly). All the same, right?

And so the last remaining African team is out of the World Cup. And I am glad for it, even if the rabid African-biased hypocrisy in this country's national media continues. Less talk about this mythic, delusional 'African dream' would be a relief. Let the underdog now be a small South American nation of just three million people that happens to play better football. And deserve it more.

At this World Cup hosted, paid for and run by South Africa. A huge risk and a self-belief that belongs to South Africa. Not Africa.

Thank you very bloody much.

Do you get my point?

RANT: Ersatz Patriotism

In just over a week the 2010 World Cup will come to an end in South Africa. To be brutally honest, thank goodness.

Not only has the football been mostly far from scintillating, but both the teams I was supporting, Italy and Portugal, are out. And deserve to be out, by the way. So now I'm left with supporting Argentina - who I do believe deserve it, have played mostly well and, well, Argentina under Maradona would just be a terrific winner. The only other team remaining that I can remotely support are Germany - and they're up against Argentina in a quarter-final. Typical.

It's also been a World Cup for me blighted by the worst gift South Africa has given to the world since apartheid - that wretched vuvuzela.

But I think another thing that has so irked me about this World Cup is all the rampant patriotism that I've seen around the country and had to endure for the last few months, and especially in the last few weeks. It has been an absolute overdose.

 Flags, flags, flags everywhere. Even I (half-hearted) got into it by buying a huge Portuguese flag for my mom (fat lot of good that did) and even wore an Italy bracelet and scarf given to me by said mom (even bigger fat lot of good...). I was even given a small Italian flag to have fluttering from my car. I guess that's where my I drew the line.

I used to love flags - now I bloody hate them.

Why is that? I really can't say. I'm not feeling particularly Scrooge-esque these days. I really did try and get into it all. After all, I've always enjoyed the World Cup. Perhaps it's because it seemed somehow so forced for me to get into that, that for others to be doing it just seemed silly and trite. Who knows, perhaps that is Scrooge-esque of me.

Maybe it was just too much damn build-up to this World Cup in this country. Billboards, electronic signs and newspapers kept us on a breathless daily countdown to the opening day as if our very lives depended on it. For months every Friday leading up to the World Cup many locals would get all togged up in the national soccer shirt of South Africa. Never mind that the garish yellow and green strip is kitsch and ugly beyond belief. I know that for me it was one of most utterly annoying little 'traditions' in living memory. It just annoyed the hell out of me to see all of this money being spent on crappy, ugly FIFAdom shirts in a country with nearly 40% unemployment, an utterly crap and corrupt government and one one of the most racially fractured populations on the planet.

And we got flooded with an endless stream of advert after advert of how 'just how immensely proud we are to be hosts of the 2010 World Cup', all set to the most searingly rousing (read: painful) and tear-inducing music and images. It was enough to make one puke. I nearly did on a few occasions.

Yeah, yeah, we were the hosts, but it seemed a put-on - too much effort for a nation with an entirely schizophrenic and divided national character.

I can't wait to be back to a Friday when I don't have to be assaulted by all those awful canary yellow shirts.

Even today I nearly burst out laughing when I walked into my local video store and, it being a Friday, all the employees had their yellow South Africa football shirts on! Puh-leeze! South Africa didn't even make it through the first round and got eliminated from the tournament over a week ago, for crying out loud!

It's all so unconvincing. It's ersatz patriotism.

Perhaps upon reflection I can surmise that my antipathy to all this ersatz flag-waving paraphernalia has to do with the world in which we live. A world that seems more corporate and less 'national' than ever. A world where national governments seem more inept than ever and more willing to kowtow to corporatist fascism and global finance. A world where over-pampered, overrated and overly arrogant prima donnas like Christiano Ronaldo, Wayne Rooney and that Frenchman Anelka can't even play well enough for their own countries to even justify why they earn such obscene amounts of money for just kicking a ball around.

When I consider all that, I guess all this flag-waving and chest-thumping just seems hollow and puerile. Unconvincing. Ersatz.

So for now I'll watch a few of the remaining games and hope that Argentina goes on to win. And quietly hide my Italian flag away, of course.

And I'll reflect upon a time when flags and national anthems and all that really did stir something inside me during the World Cup or any like event. And wonder why now it all seems so much like pantomime.

Do you get my point?

RANT: Cacophony From Hell

Today is the start of the month-long World Cup here in South Africa. It's football at its best. It's flags and colour and great atmosphere. It's an event that I usually look forward to every four years.

Vittorio should be happy.

Vittorio is not.

I cannot remember the last time a momentous occassion has annoyed me more or when I've wanted something so huge and so all-encompassing to just hurry up and finish. So what the hell's the matter with me? I admit a recent and ongoing bout of really bad upper bachache is not helping at all. Amazing how much pain and lack of good sleep can turn one into Irritation Central.

So, yes, I'm not in the best of moods these days. I admit that. But I had to ask myself yesterday and again today why I was so utterly irritated with this whole World Cup malarkey. Surely it couldn't just be a lousy back that is making me feel so grouchy and ready to slap everything in sight, right?

Absolutely right. Because I have figured out what to me has become synonymous with this sporting event in this country and why I am hating it so:

It's noise. And not just any old noise or a combination of noises typical of these sporting events. Oh, no - we should all be so lucky. No, this is a very specific, very distinct noise emanating from South Africa's hellish gift to the world of musical sporting paraphernalia.

This is a noise so ear-splitting, so inharmonious, so utterly revolting it is proof-positive that Lucifer does indeed exist and that this is his diabolical musical instrument of choice.

It's the vuvuzela.

This metre-long or so instrument of hell has been a fixture of South African soccer matches since the 1990s. Soccer fans blow on them for all their worth, decimating anything and everything in its aural path.

And now it is an overwhelming fixture of this World Cup. Heaven help me.

Trust me, there are many who share my hatred for this little-horn-that-should-never-have. And everyone has their own version of what it reminds them of. To me, it sounds like an amorphous cloud of gigantic mosquitoes out of some really horrific sci-fi movie. Here are some other opinions of what the wretched vuvuzela sounds like (and I quote):

- "a groaning, constipated cow in full groan";
- "a demented foghorn"
- "a very badly tuned, super loud French horn"

- "what hell would sound like"

You get the picture.

And it is loud. Oh brother, is it LOUD.

Occupational hygiene issues such as noise-induced hearing loss have been a part of my work for nearly ten years now, so I know a thing or two about how bad excessive noise can be for one's ears. Yet even I was stunned at the decibel readings of this diabolical instrument, as shown on the table below - 127 decibels - even more ear-splitting than a jumbo jet taking off - that is L-O-U-D!!!!!

For more info on just how bad vuvuzelas can be for a person's hearing, follow this link: http://allafrica.com/stories/201006071455.html

Today was hell on Earth for me. Having hardly slept most of the night, I awoke in the early morning to the nearby screeching of vuvuzelas, I take it by little children on their way to a nearby school. Fetching money at a local ATM in my lovely suburb I was accosted by some lunatic in dreadlocks giving it all his worth across the street. I nearly went over to snap his vuvuzela in two, yank on his dreadlocks and deck him. Instead I huffed away, my aching back intensified, my mood darkened.

Then, to compound my misery,  as I drove up to my physiotherapist I saw to my horror that right opposite were two breezy young lasses blowing to their hearts content on the sidewalk to passing cars. It took everything for me not to accelerate my car, mount the sidewalk at full speed and run the bitches over, vuvuzelas and all.

And all around me people honking their horns like mad, flying their South African flags or just grinning inanely, all caught up in this 'magical' moment of patriotic fervour and pride. How touching. Never have I come so close to wanting to set fire to my South African passport. Along with a heap of vuvuzelas, of course.

Much to my delight, I have now read reports online that the vuvuzela could be better at transmitting viruses than shouting or even sneezing! Where the hell is the World Health Organization when you need it?

The vuvuzela is noise personified. Never mind invading one's space - it invades one's very core, one's very soul. My only hope is that so many people from other countries, not to mention players and referees on the pitch, will complain so much about how irritating it is that it simply won't take off after this World Cup or, better still, maybe even be banned FIFA. That would be the first FIFA action I would fully support, nay, celebrate.

But for now I and others must tolerate this noise worthy of a year's supply of Prozac. Or a month-long vacation in the Antarctic, just for the quiet. Oh, the quiet.

It's going to be a very looooooooooong month.

Do you get my point?

RANT: World Cup Sham(e)

I have been putting off writing this particular post for nearly a month now. It is so overdue. And now I simply must get it written...

This rant is about what should have been and what, unfortunately, and much to the detriment of an entire nation, has actually happened.

The FIFA 2010 World Cup to be hosted here in South Africa is almost upon us. In just over ten days the eyes of the world will be upon this southern tip of Africa as it becomes the first African country to host the world's biggest sporting extravaganza, barring the Olympic Games. The atmosphere here in Johannesburg is palpable, as I'm sure it is in other major cities in the country - flags billow from just about every corner and business, and even small flags flutter from the sides and tops of people's cars, the refrain of 'Our Time Has Come' is endless and constant.

Ever since South Africa won the vote to host the Cup back on May 15th 2004 this country has been readying itself for this momentous occasion. And the momentum has been gathering pace, especially in the past few months. Just saying '2010' has become synonymous with a nation's destiny, it would seem.

And now the time is almost here.

And what a huge disappointment it is all turning out to be.

That is not to say that South Africa won't put out all the stops to ensure a great show and even make a success of being host to the World Cup. I'm quite sure South Africa will do well, even very well, as host. There will almost certainly be a few hiccups. And one can only hope that cowardly terrorist bastards won't use the Cup to set off bombs or otherwize terrorise innocent fans and people. That is my most fervent wish for this Cup. South Africa should do well - very well, in fact. And it deserves that.

It's all the promises and nonsense hype and selling out of this nation and its people by the government and elite that upsets me no end. South Africans were promised a world event that would change this country, somehow fantastically transform it in its post-apartheid nation-building. What crap. The World Cup in this country has come to mean corruption, false promises and outright greed, both corporate and governmental.

The list, unfortunately, is endless.

Enter FIFA...

1. The South African organizers have sold out this country lock, stock and barrel to one of the most corrupt, disgusting professional bodies on the planet, namely FIFA. This Zurich-based organization for world football would make the Mafia blush, so secretive, unethical and corrupt are its business practices. More on that another time. For the purpose of this post, it is enough to state that , thanks to the sell-out by South Africa to FIFA, the following words are copyrighted exclusively to FIFA here in South Africa:

- '2010'
- 'football'
- 'soccer'
- 'World Cup'
- 'FIFA World Cup'
- '2010 World Cup'
- ' June 11th to July 11th 2010' [the duration of the World Cup)
- and any similar words

And this for the entire duration leading up to and including the entire period of the World Cup. That means that any company, corporation, person or any entity whatsoever that wishes to use those words in their promotions or for their products can only do so after paying royalties to FIFA. And I mean any.

Already countless organizations, companies and people have been threatened with legal action and even taken to South African courts for 'infringing' these copyrights held by FIFA for the World Cup. An entire program on one of the most popular South African radio stations last week was dedicated to just this astounding state of legal affairs. It was reported that South African courts are already getting jammed with these lawsuits and injunctions by FIFA and the organizing committee here in South Africa against companies and individuals. And it is known that South African judges won't even look at the merits of the defendant's case when they learn that FIFA et al are the litigants. No case. FIFA has copyright. Next.

FIFA got mega-lucky in that South African law courts are notoriously pro-property rights over individual rights. Thanks very much, you local legal bastards.

2. Stories I have personally heard, almost all concerning black entrepreneurs or local businesses, abound as to how people thought they could make a little money (or even, heaven forbid) a lot of good money out of South Africa being host nation, only to be stopped in their tracks by the FIFA crowd brandishing their copyrights. These include:

- a female entrepreneur who tried to get trinkets made by local artists in the shape of footballs over a year ago only to be told that she was forbidden to do so as she had no copyright from FIFA;

- another female (as well as black, let it be known) entrepreneur who bought a fast food franchise near a host stadium, hoping to cash in on early 2010 business, as well as, obviously, on business during the Cup itself, only to face an injunction ordering her not to open until after the World Cup is finished. That is, have a fast food joint ready but not open for business for five months or more. She has stated she will almost certainly be forced to go out of business even before she's allowed to open for business;

- a local airline threatened with litigation by the FIFA Mafia only on the basis that they were using copyrighted words (you know, standard words like 'World Cup' and '2010' and even the stated time period) to promote off-peak sales for tickets on national routes during the World Cup. More on that one another time.

And on and on and on and on the stories continue of South Africans being shafted by the FIFA behemoth.

3. The hype surrounding how much money this country was going to make because of the World Cup was outrageous in its proportion. Hotels jacked up their prices for the period by up to 400%. Homeowners in the leafy, upmarket northern suburbs of Johannesburg suddenly told their existing tenants to get the hell out of their properties in preparation for the fortunes they were going to make for rates of up to R1000 per person per day for each hapless football tourist. And blocked off the entire months of June and July just for this purpose. As if any tourist in their right mind would want to spend more than the absolute minimum amount of days necessary in this boring, sprawling and crime-ridden city that is Johannesburg!

At first we all bitched about the sheer stupendous greed of pretentious hotels and homeowners in Cape Town (after all, in the South African lexicon Cape Town is pretentiousness), typical money-grabbing Joburgers and basically stupidly greedy people and businesses throughout the country. And all of these people were ridiculously greedy. BUT, let it be known, all of this insane greed was built around all the ridiculous hype surrounding the Cup and fueled to the hilt by both the SA government and, especially, it now transpires, FIFA and the local organizing committee.

4. The greed of FIFA in full collusion with the South African government and the disgusting super-elite of this country continues: all those top, highly lucrative FIFA copyrights are basically in the hands of just a handful of South Africa's elite, as well as, of course, Sepp Blatter (Head Capo of FIFA) and his henchmen. This has become public domain knowledge and widely reported in our national media in recent months.

5. Remember that black female entrepreneur stuck with a fast food franchise near a stadium that she cannot open for business? It gets much worse. It transpires that within a full square kilometer of the said stadium, there is an absolute block on anyone selling any type of soda, beer, etc, or any food, because both McDonalds and Coca-Cola have a total blanket on sales of food and drink in said 'exclusion zone'. Talk about monopolistic, fascistic uber-capitalism at its worst! So there goes any opportunity for any local vendor, including hundreds if not thousands of the local poor, wanting to capitalize on selling a few Fanta Oranges or Castle Lager beers or boerewors rolls (a spicy South African sausage in a roll) near the stadium during World Cup matches. Not to mention no local or other African artists allowed to sell their artwork anywhere near any of the stadia. To hell with them - they don't f***ing count, right?

6. Match, the company set up and owned by FIFA to primarily sell World Cup tickets, as well as other package tour-type promotions, etc, for the Cup has left South Africa high and dry. Just a few days ago it was divulged that they had suddenly released a further 150 000 tickets for sale, due to poor sales (not to mention at exorbitant prices and on the back of ridiculously priced package tours from Europe and other destinations to South Africa). This after the first 'release of remaining tickets' by the organizers just a few months ago. Price tickets have come down, sometimes dramatically so, as organizers realized that tickets and packages for hotels and flights, etc, simply were not selling.

And those selling estimates and forecasts were made by Match itself, with, of course, the full blessing of FIFA itself. The huge problem (not to mention bloody scandal) is that all of these tickets, hotel beds and flights to South Africa, etc, were all block booked ages ago by Match and its authorised subsidiaries and 'partners', including the national airline, South African Airways. That means promises were made of huge bookings at huge profits for the World Cup and now - just weeks and even days from the opening ceremony - Match is suddenly dumping all of these block bookings on South African and international airlines, hotels, tour operators, and the like. No explanation, no apology. And so these very companies (who, let's face it, bought into all the mass hype and outrageous promises by FIFA due to their own bloody greed) must now scramble around in these dying days prior to the World Cup just to try and sell these suddenly available tickets, etc.

The list of World Cup 2010 scandals goes on and on and on. They are being divulged now on an ongoing, seemingly daily basis. It's disgusting, even tiresome now. And such a shame when one considers how much there was by this country's poor and even not-so-poor with regard to being host of the 2010 World Cup.

All the corruption, all the politics, all the selling out of a nation's poor with over-hype and false promises, are a further indication of what a disgrace FIFA has become. And yet further proof of just how corrupt and self-serving a very select ANC-coddled elite exists and thrives in this country, a super-rich, super-powerful elite clique that is making a mockery of the liberation struggle by millions of South Africans, not to mention the unforgivable daily grind of the millions of poor in this country of supposed plenty.

This despicable elite has sold South Africa out to an unaccountable, unethical organization like FIFA - and they should be bloody ashamed of themselves. FIFA is the embodiment of a protectionist, corporatist racket masquerading as 'modern business'. The South African government and elite are more than ever the embodiment of a sham liberation democracy.

Yes, the Beautiful Game will almost certainly be beautiful at times. Yes, there was a surge of (temporary, mostly unsustainable) jobs in construction and infrastructure in this country, which was (to a certain extent) a buffer for the country's economy against the global financial crisis. And, yes, I am quite sure South Africa will do a proud job as host. Of all that I am quite sure. And so it should be.

But, in the end, when the games have been played and the tourists have gone and the magic dust has settled, the vast majority of South Africans will look around and ask themselves: What was the big deal? Where is all the money we should have made? Why didn't I, Mr. or Ms. Tshabalala or Mr. or Ms. Botha or Mr. or Ms. Chaterjee, make more hay whilst the sun shone on our nation? What's wrong with this picture?

In the end, this nation promised so much will get so very little. And that's a crying sham(e).

Do you get my point?

TAKE A LOOK - New kulula airline livery

I had to post these pics. They show the new livery of a no-frills airline here in South Africa called kulula.com - I, for one, like the bright green they use. It's not your usual airline colour or look. And they have consistently made the funniest and most distinct TV ads and other publicity campaigns in this country. I actually think it's a crap airline, but all kudos to them for what must be one of the most innovative airline livery designs ever...some of it is really hilarious.