In a week that has even seen the death of two disco and pop icons, Donna Summer and Robin Gibb, it seems only fitting that along comes the campest and most vacuous annual pop events of all to distract one from all the doom and gloom - yes, it's Eurovision time!
Twenty-six finalists will belt/ shriek/ screech/ whine/ purr/ maybe even sing their songs tomorrow night at the Eurovision Song Contest to be held in Baku, Azerbaijan.
Here then are my top ten for 2012, as scored Eurovision-style:
(10th) 1 point - NORWAY
"Stay" by Tooji: There's nothing to hate about the Norwegian entry, but nothing to love about it either. His voice is generic and the song is Eurovision generic to the hilt. It's very clever and very catchy chorus is why it just makes my Top 10, just nudging out Serbia. It'll do quite well on the night, although I demand it be overshadowed by the far superior entry of its neighbour, Sweden.
(9th) 2 points - BOSNIA & HERZEGOVINA
"Korake ti Znam" by Maya Sar: A beautiful voice with a song that doesn't fully do it justice. Some interesting orchestration it may have, but the song lacks a catchy tune or memorable hook. What sells this for me is the attempt at a fulsome, intelligent sound and a genuinely beautiful voice.
(8th) 3 points - ESTONIA
"Kuula" by Ott Lepland: This man has one of the best voices in this year's contest. I wasn't a fan of the song at first, but sung at the Second Semi-Final it came across powerful and sweeping, and I really liked it. Not a fantastic tune per se, but his voice and delivery is power itself. Estonia deserves to do well, although it may not.
(7th) 4 points - GERMANY
"Standing Still" by Roman Lob: Once again Germany provides the best of the 'Big Five' automatic qualifying songs. He has a voice that is at once reminiscent of many other mellow male singers and yet distinct, with a song that sounds like many others but still memorable. Not a brilliant song, but polished and at least he has a super voice. It won't do well at all, though.
(6th) 5 points - DENMARK
"Should've Known Better" by Soluna Samay: Bless Denmark! It has become in this new millennium what France was for me in the 80s and 90s - a perennial favourite. She has a lovely, natural voice and it is a very catchy little song. Perhaps that is its problem, though - it's just a little too 'little' and insubstantial a song. Still, I do like it, even if it'll do poorly on the night when the votes count.
(5th) 6 points - ROMANIA
"Mandinga" by Zaleilah: Romania consistently provides some of the catchiest and best pure dance songs at Eurovision, and very much to its credit. Not a fan of the song when I saw it online, but on stage she was sexiness personified and it was damn fun to watch. Not as great as Romania's 2010 entry, but still a very good, feel-good effort. It'll do well, perhaps even very well.
(4th) 7 points - LITHUANIA
"Love is Blind" by Donny Montell: A singer that gives it his all, and a lovely song with a great, smart riff. The said riff and mod upswing in tempo comes a bit too late for me, but I definitely like this one. It won't do well at all, and starting 4th won't do it any favours, but a really funky, groovy effort from a country that often offers funky, groovy entries.
And now my Top Three...
(3rd) 8 points - CYPRUS
"La La Love" by Ivi Adamou: I know some people will positively hate this very poppy, quite repetitive little ditty, but I really like it. I find it catchy as hell, and it's for sure a terrific song to which to dance away on a dance floor. Adamou's voice was admittedly shaky and not that polished during the 1st Semi-Final, but I still love this one, even if going quite early (8th) and the countries surrounding it don't help Cyprus' chances. Greece will probably score better, of course - enough said.
(2nd) 10 points - HUNGARY
"Sound of Our Hearts" by Compact Disco: This is the most intelligent and sophisticated entry in both lyrics and composition. I really love aspects of this very mod song. It didn't translate that well on stage during the First Semi-Final, but I was thrilled when it made it to the Final, as I did not expect that. It'll do poorly on the night, but to hell with that - well done, Hungary!
And finally...
without any doubt for me...
my ABSOLUTE favourite song of the 2011 Eurovision Song Contest...
1st with DOUZE POINTS...SWEDEN!
"Euphoria" by Loreen: The first time I heard this the hairs stood up on my body. I just knew this was my instant favourite, and an ultra-modern techno dance hit to beat all others. She has a terrific voice, the synthesized orchestration is sublime in places and the shifts in tempo quite superb. And I think it may just win too. This not only deserves to win Eurovision, it deserves to be a major dance hit all over the world.
GO SWEDEN!!!!!
And there they are - my favourite ten songs for this year's Eurovision.
Countries I really liked that didn't make the Final:
SAN MARINO, BELGIUM, THE NETHERLANDS, PORTUGAL and SWITZERLAND - in that order. Notice how they're all Western European countries...hmmmm. Especially galling when utter shite like Russia, Turkey, Greece and Moldova got through. So it goes every year at Eurovision.
Now the other finalists...
The UK made a nice gesture by having Engelbert Humperdinck sing their entry, and, although the song is innocuous enough, it's frankly weak and it won't fare well.
Many rave about Iceland, a country I often really enjoy at Eurovision, but I simply can't get into it, finding it somewhat disjointed and the type of heavy Celtic angle that doesn't work for me. It'll do mid-table to quite poorly. Ditto with the raves for Spain's entry, which I simply cannot like, much as she has a strong voice and the song tries to have gravitas and power. When, oh when will Spain again send a decent song to Eurovision? It won't do well either, which is fine with me, gracias.
France, once my perennial favourite Eurovision country, continues its trend of offering songs that are quite unique but that I'm somehow not mad about. Their entry this year is quite catchy, with some interesting riffs, but I find it somewhat soulless and not a great dance tune. Italy's tune is quite mod and funky in a retro '60s sort of way, and the singer's vocals strong and quite reminiscent of Amy Whinehouse, but I'm just not much of fan of this one. Maybe it'll be a lot stronger sang live on the night. Neither nation will do well, although Italy should at least beat France. France may well come last, methinks.
Serbia has a very attractive male balladeer with a superb voice, but with a song that simply doesn't draw me in enough and is never memorable. Having said that, his performance at the Second Semi-Final was excellent, and I have a feeling this entry will do very well on the night, maybe even achieving a top three finish. Being the third-last song on the night will also help its chances a lot.
Malta is okay and inoffensive pop, but nowhere near the best dance or pop in this year's crop, and it's too forgettable. It'll do well enough though. So, pretty much as Malta usually does. Macedonia's entry has powerful, powerful female vocals let down by a pretty ugly composition sung in a not-too-pretty language. It should do quite well to mid-table on the night, though. And it's late in the line-up, which must help.
Host nation Azerbaijan's entry is polished and respectable enough, although hardly memorable, and perhaps a bit too cynical in its pro-forma composition for its own good. It'll no doubt score very well, and very possibly come in the top 5 when the votes are in. The Ukraine has a catchy, if very generic song, an entry which I liked online but found very poorly executed at the Second Semi-Final. It's not a hateful song, but way too generic, even if it should score quite well on the night.
Albania has a woman with a killer voice who's a bit too much an Adele (the hairdo) and Bjork (the voice) wannabe. And the song is a bloody mess with way too much shrieking. Her voice should've been reined in, not let loose. I think it'll do well, though, although going very early won't help. I can live in hope. Moldova's entry has its moments but its whining rubbish for the most part and a tad too regional. Mid-table fare, although starting last on the night should be considerable help. I do hope fatigue will kill its chances.
Ireland, once so reliable in giving us great voices at the Eurovision, has those tiresome, camp and frankly untalented twins as their entry this year. Again! As if we deserved that, Dublin. Many are saying this is one of the favourites to win, and it does go late, which helps, but I have a feeling this will slump and maybe even crash and burn with the voting. I sure hope to hell that's the case.
I really hate the Greek and Turkish entries, and especially because I know all too well that they will both do very well on the night. Greece does its usual ultra-slick, ultra-safe forgettable dance number of which I'm frankly sick to death, and Turkey comes in with a lazy, whiny and amateur song knowing full well it'll get massive votes due to the gazillion Turkish migrants all over Europe.
As for the tuneless, guileless and frankly stupendously bad babushkas from Russia - the less said about that horror, the better. HORRIBLE! The fact that Russia and its band of ugly, grinning grannies got through to the Final is testament to just how flawed the voting system at Eurovision continues to be. The old hags can't even bloody sing. A travesty.
Russia, Turkey or Greece winning will be absolutely horrendous and totally undeserving. They will all do very, very well in the voting, of course, which means I'll spend the entire voting part of the evening with my stomach in a knot, hoping none of them wins. No, no, NO!
Well, here it is again - it's almost Eurovision time! And thank goodness for that.
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