RAVE: Eurovision Song Contest - Tackarama Time Again

I have not written on this blog for two months now, and what is the first thing that compels me to post again after such a long hiatus? The death of Maggie Thatcher? No. The continued slide of Greece and others in the Eurozone ongoing crisis? No. The continued Western-manipulated madness in the so-called 'Syrian civil war'...? No again.

No, I'm afraid what compels me this time to return to this blog with which I sometimes have a love-hate relationship is none other than this year's Eurovision Song Contest. Yip, it's that time of the year again, and sometimes it is only the ridiculous and not the sublime that motivates one to recommit to one's blog.

What can I say - at times I can be a shallow fellow...

Anyway, the 2013 Eurovision Song Contest will be held in just a few hours time in the Swedish city of Mälmo. The two Semi-Finals have come and gone, and once again there have been some pretty good songs and way too many poor ones.  And so I must myself give my top 10 and award my douze points to my favourite for the year in homage to the Contest and Grand Final tonight.


Thankfully, the field wasn't rife with utter dirge this year, as happens way too often at Eurovision, but neither has it been a stellar year. Whilst few songs utterly offended (although there were a few, trust me...Greece, anyone?), there were fewer really great or stand-out songs in the 2013 field when compared with the last few years. For one thing, there has been no song that I absolutely loved and so want to win this year, as happened last year with the fabulous disco entry from Sweden (Euphoria by Loreen), which did go on to win the 2012 Contest in emphatic style, or the utterly charming 2011 entry from Finland (which went nowhere in the final that year, alas). No, this year had a few that I liked quite a lot, and quite a few middling songs, but nothing that I am really, really cheering on. 

And, for another, there were just way too many songs playing the ballade or quirky ethnic card. And those are two genres that seldom rock my boat come Eurovision time.

Perhaps when they all perform tonight I will suddenly find myself cheering on one particular song, or a few that I wouldn't mind winning, but that only time will tell. 

But anyway, here then are my top 10 songs for the 2013 Eurovision Song Contest:

1 point (10th place): 
GERMANY
Glorious by Cascada

I don't love this song, but it's got a catchy hook and it's a half-decent techro dance song, that could be a passable hit on the dance floors of Europe this summer. Cascada sings with aplomb and is sexy enough, and she just beat out the songs from Estonia and Azerbaijan to just make my top 10. it's also the best of the Big Five nation entries (see more below).

Chances? I think Germany will do very well in the voting, although not a possible winner as many are predicting. It could well make the Top 5 though.

2 points (9th place):
NORWAY
I Feed You My Love by Margaret Berger 

This song doesn't start too well, and it missed out on being a truly terrific electro-inspired dance hit by the way it's mixed and the lack of a resounding and memorable tempo. However, I like it, and I think Margaret Berger is quite a beautiful and compelling presence on the stage in a very Nordic sort of way.  

Chances? Not that good, actually. It will score well with other Nordic nations, of course, and may make the top 10 on the night, but that'll be it's best aspirations in terms of votes.It will probably finish more mid-table.

3 points (8th place):
HUNGARY
Kedvesem by ByeAlex

Hungary continues its frankly surprising tradition in being one of my favourite Eurovision countries, although I' not as mad about this one as their 2011 entry, or even last year's. And, to be honest, this wasn't even in my initial top 10 before the semi-finals. However, a very cool, very breezy song came to the fore during the 2nd Semi-Final and it really caught my attention. In a field dominated by overwrought or too-simplistic ballades or euphoric dance wannabes, this very low-key but catchy entry from Hungary stands out.

Chances? Once again, Hungary will bomb in the voting and come close to last in the voting, which, once again, will be a pity and undeserved.

4 points (7th place):
FINLAND
Marry Me by Krista Siegfrids

This is not a great song by any means, but it has one hell of a catchy riff and some cheeky and ironic lyrics to boot. Krista Siegfrids is no doubt Pink-inspired but her tune is all rainbow-hued, given the genuinely surprising little twist at the end of her ditty when she kisses one of the chorus girls and it becomes apparent this was a gay-themed wedding proposal. Very cute and very knowing, and for that alone it garners this place. And it's annoyingly catchy too!

Chances? This may surprise, and do quite well, maybe even a top 10 finish, although I do think the lesbian kiss at song's end may offend the sensibilities  of half of  Europe (the eastern and Muslim Europe, of course), so it'll probably do quite poorly in the end. Too bad.

5 points (6th place):
MALTA
Tomorrow by Gianluca 

This is a sweet song and the boy sure can sing. He has a lovely, distinct voice and the song is catchy. However, that's about it - he's sweet, the song is sweet, but it's hardly a wow song and has a tendency to be a bit too low-key and lackadaisical for its own good, which is a pity - Gianluca deserved a more memorable and better song. He should be singing for Belgium, in fact! Still, a charming little song (of sorts), and I do like it.

Chances? Middling at best - Malta of late invariably does quite poorly on the night of voting, and I suspect this year will be no different.

6 points (5th place):
MOLDOVA
O Mie by Aliona Moon  

Believe it or not, this is more Italian-sounding than either the entries from Italy or San Marino, even though it is sung in Romanian. This was one of the most pleasant surprises of the semi final stages. Aliona Moon can sing, no doubt about it, her dress and the staging of the song were incredible by any standards, and the song has quite some power to it. I do wish the song were more memorable, but even so Moldova should take pride in what is a beautifully stage and sung entry, never mind a sophisticated one at that.

Chances? I would love to think this one will do well, and it may just sneak in to the Top 10 or even possibly the Top 5 if it can garner enough of the Balkan and Eastern European votes, which it just may. Middling at worst, I think this could be one of the surprise entries in voting terms tonight.

7 points (4th place):
UKRAINE
Gravity by Zlata Ognevich

I really like this one. Unabashedly Eurotrash electro disco-inspired, this year's Ukrainian entry is sung with real verve and power by Zlata Ognevich, who has terrific stage presence and is beautiful to boot. I usually don't like the Ukrainian entry, so this was a really great surprise for me this year. This one has grown and grown on me, and I won't be surprised if it even sneaks into my own Top 3 by the end of the night. Knowingly catchy, this is slick techno pop production at its best. 

Chances: This could go two ways - it'll either do amazingly well on the night and make the Top 3 in the votes, or it'll just get lost in all the voting and come a disappointing mid-table or even worse. I do hope it'll be the former. Go, Zlata!

And now my top 3 songs for Eurovision 2013:

8 points (3rd place):
RUSSIA
What If by Dina Garipova

This lady has a beautiful and assured voice, that much I know. And it came across without a shadow of a doubt during her semi-final performance. However, to be honest, her sweet song is not usually teh type of song that appeals to me, and I would hardly classify it as brilliant. But it is memorable, and it has E-u-r-o-v-i-s-i-o-n writ write across it. A cynical ploy by the Russians to win this year's Contest? Perhaps, although I somehow doubt it, and anyway it's a lovely, beautifully sung song in its own right. After the embarrassing debacle that was the Russian grab-a-granny entry last year, this has amply made up for that.


Chances? Whatever everyone is saying about either Denmark or Sweden being the big favourites this year, I say that this Russian entry could go the whole way and win it. I certainly don't see it doing worse than about 10th place or so, and will very probably make the Top 5 or even Top 3 with ease. 

10 points (2nd place):
IRELAND
Only Love Survives by Ryan Dolan

I actually didn't much care for this when I first heard it prior to the semi-finals. But, I must say, Ryan Dolan blew me away with his fantastic stage performance on the night and, better still, the guy can sing really well. And I really like this song, Eurotrashy, poppy and quite thunderous dance tune that it is. It's got great pace, it makes you want to dance and its the best of its type. After so many years of giving us frankly dull or overly campy entries, it's such a treat to see Ireland back with such a strong, memorable song. 

Chances? I know that some are saying that this will do very well on the night, but I'm going to be a party pooper and say it's going to fizzle rather than sizzle in the votes, and will be middling at best, or, probably even low in the table. A top 5 position will be amazing - and for all the wrong reasons. Which is a shame - it deserves a great finish, and I would be even happy with it winning Eurovision. Surely I'm not the only one who misses Dublin being a host city?    

And finally, my favourite song for Eurovision this year:

12 points (1st place):
BELGIUM 
Love Kills by Roberto Bellarosa

 

I cannot remember the last time my favourite Eurovision song was such a touch-and-go choice and whose singer made me so damn nervous. Belgium's entry was definitely my favourite going into the semi-finals - I loved the build-up in the song, thought the orchestration multi-layered and really terrific, and loved it for being catchy and yet modern enough without being cloying. However, I soon started reading online reports that 17-year-old Roberto Bellarosa was extremely shaky in voice on stage and also lacked charisma as a performer. His semi-final performance was decent enough, but I did see evidence of a shaky voice at times, and the kid is neither gorgeous nor a natural stage talent. Still, he did pull it off, and the song is very strong and compelling. And, for all my hesitation with his voice and showman persona, I still really love this song and so Belgium must get my douze points for 2013.

Chances? I'm a realist, and I do believe Belgium will score poorly on the night, and may even come in the bottom 5, unfortunately. A lower middle ranking in the voting will be a stellar result, which is really not fair - but so it goes at Eurovision. 

So, there they are: my top 10 songs for the 2013 Eurovision Song Contest.

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And what of the other entries? As I said before, Denmark is a big favourite, and whilst the song is catchy and she has a good voice, I just don't like the song. Way too many fiddles and evocations of middle-Europa Celtic music for my liking. Host country Sweden's entry I think sucks, whatever all the hype with the boy who belts it out. It'll do very well in the votes, of course, but it's still forgettable. Iceland were a total surprise for me in qualifying from their semi-final, and now people are saying it'll do well in the votes, but I don't believe that at all. The guy has a great voice, but the song is forgettable shite.

I do like the Azerbaijan entry and it just missed out on making my Top 10. The boy is very cute (if very short, it must be said LOL) and he has a good voice, and the song is catchy, albeit a bit too weak form me at times. BUT I think this song will score very well and even possibly make the Top 5 with the votes. Another Eurovision night in fabulous Baku? That may be pushing it too far. 

Estonia has possibly the most beautiful girl singing on the night and she has a really beautiful, melodious voice. I applaud the Estonians for submitting a song in their own language, but I just so wish the song were memorable or more rousing, It may score okay on the night, although probably not more than middling at best. 

Greece should have its entire band put up against a wall and shot. The worst entry of the year (even crappy Montengro at least was funky and out there), with an ethnic noise that is actually very cynical in trying to get the Euroyouth vote - and it will score very well, of course. Just watch Greece make the top 3. Just to annoy me. The Romania entry, sung by a campy contratenor that lets rip and makes Jimmy Somerville look butch, is loved by some, and loathed by others - I tend to be firmly in the latter camp, if you pardon the pun. I admire his courage and the song has its moments, but Somerville did falsetto far better and I ultimately hate the whole thing, even if it will probably do quite well on the night. Or it may come mid-table. Georgia's effort is a swooning ballade by a couple with lovely voices, but it never stops building and just gets too shrieky and too over-the-top for my liking. It will do well in the voting, though, of that I am quite sure.
Lithuania is loved by my mom, but I think the guy is off-key and the song is frankly crap, and I don't think it'll do well on the night. She also really likes Armenia, another entry which I think is rubbish, this time because it just sounds like really bad 80s soft rock. I also think it'll do very poorly in the voting. It's really yuck, mom! The Netherlands was a shock qualifier, and whilst the lady is really lovely to look at and has a great smoky voice, the song is so bad and so off the wall that it simply remains...bad. And, no, I do not expect it do well in the voting - at all. Belarus is the scary dark horse of the night, along with the detestable Greeks, and some are even saying Eurovision 2014 could be in Minsk. I really hope not - it's a valiant enough attempt at amped up Eurotrash beat, but the hook is annoying and she sings English so badly, bless her.  

The 'Big Five' who automatically qualify for the Grand Final once again let all and sundry down with a hash of indifferent and unmemorable songs, which is a real pity. Italy is the best after Germany, although it is a very typical Italian ballade sung by a raspy-voiced guy who sounds just like Eros Ramazotti (although this San Remo winner is decidedly cuter, I must say). Italy will score okay, but nothing beyond mid-table this year. France's entry is, once again, so off-the-cuff and so clearly a non-winner that one wonders why they even bother, even if each year I am still glad to see that France is around. It'll score very poorly. The UK is going with Bonnie Tyler this year, and the song is weak and quite forgettable. Furthermore, I never liked Ms. Tyler's voice, and this entry does nothing to enhance my opinion of her, pro that she is. The UK will once again tank in the voting. As for Spain - incredibly forgettable and utter rubbish. It'll come last on the night and it could even be nul points for Spain this year - just watch.
 
And so that's it for now - now all I must do is sit back and watch the whole tacky, wonderful spectacle unfold. And probably hate the winner, of course. And for all of that I am thankful.

Go Belgium, Go Ireland! :-) 

Yes, it's Eurovision Song Contest time again!



      
  

RANT OR RAVE? Julian Assange Granted Asylum

I should have been happy, overjoyed in fact (!!!), about the news yesterday that Julian Assange had been granted political asylum by Ecuador. So this should be a rave. Yet even with that news I am niggled by fear and apprehension - apprehension borne of how ugly this entire affair got this week and how it could yet get a lot uglier. Hence my need to also rant about this.



So, let me deconstruct the affair as I see it as succinctly as possible:

The Victim: Julian Assange. There are two camps in the world today - those who believe Julian Assange is being persecuted on the one side, and those who believe he is a 'terrorist' and a 'threat' to American hegemony (read: imperialism) on the other side. There is no room for grey - it's that black and white.

The Heroes: Ecuador. I admittedly had my doubts that the Ecuadorian government would capitulate to Western (read: American) pressure. Many had those doubts and fears. Even his mother must have had her fears an doubts. But they came through for Julian, in unapologetic, crystal clear and frankly stunning terms. This small South American country did what very few countries would dare to do. All power to Ecuador for what they have done this week. Simon Bolivar would be proud.

The Enemy/ Bitch Whore of the Arch Enemy: The United Kingdom. When it's foreign affairs crowd even dares to suggest that the UK would see fit to rip right through centuries of diplomacy and international customary law and storm the Ecuadorian embassy to seize Assange, then it is a country that has lost all sense of the rule of law and its own sense of self. It's democracy and legal system is a sham. All so it can do the bidding of its Imperial Master. The UK should be ashamed of itself.

The Passive-Aggressive Bitch Whore: Sweden. This Scandinavian country, always so smug in its own sense of level-minded, content democracy, is at the very epicentre of this entire crisis. All it had to do was reassure Ecuador that Assange would not be extradited to the United States once handed over to Sweden by the UK. This Sweden refused to do, which spoke volumes - and the Ecuadoreans rightly saw this as overwhelming evidence of the political persecution of Assange. Game over. Sweden is a sham democracy doing the shabby bidding of the biggest bully of them all. It too should be thoroughly ashamed of itself.

The Arch Enemy: The United States. Need one say more?

And that's what this entire debacle boils down to: a man who did nothing more than publish the truth about the shocking shenanigans of world powers is being persecuted by three of what were once the most respected democracies on Earth.

And that is why, whilst I can rave about Julian Assange being granted his asylum, I can only rant at all the other malevolent ingredients in this putrid mix.

And I am sincerely, genuinely, horribly worried at how the entire Julian Assange affair may yet unravel. And expose the true, sickening nature of the world in which we live.

Do you get my point?

RAVE: Sweden Wins Eurovision!

At last, I back a winner!

Okay, it may only be the Eurovision Song Contest, but who the hell cares...

Sweden wins the Eurovision Song Contest!!!



I cannot remember the last time that my all-out favourite at the Eurovision Song Contest went on to win.

The Swedish entry was techno-pop at its most emphatic and polished best. It was the class of the entire field, and even Europe agreed with me this time, as the Swedish entry amassed 373 points - over a hundred points more than 2nd-placed...ahem...Russia (the joke was on us after all, and those lousy babushkas did as well as I knew they would...an unacceptable travesty).

Loreen sang "Euphoria" with amazing shifts in tempo and stunning vocal range - the song has already gone triple platinum in Sweden, and is surely destined to be a huge dance club hit in Europe this year.

My final Top 10 on the night:

1. Sweden
2. Lithuania
3. Germany
4. Hungary
5. Cyprus
6. Denmark
7. Estonia
8. Romania
9. Serbia
10. Bosnia & Herzegovina

My mom and friend, Stuart, watched along with me, and our combined results were:

1. Sweden
2. Germany
3. Lithuania
4. Estonia
5. Serbia
6. Romania
7. Denmark
8. Bosnia & Herzegovina
9. Hungary
10. Spain

We had a Eurovision party second to none and shouted with joy every time Sweden got 12 points and shouted at the television every time Russia got good points!

A great time was had, and the absolute best song won - for once. Thank you for that, Europe.

RAVE: My Eurovision 2012 Picks

There's a lot of doom and gloom about. Syria is in a near-state of all-out civil war, rumblings continue about an eventual attack on Iran, Greece remains on the verge of collapse, as does the entire euro project, the latest predictions by climate change scientists are depressing and many countries continue to struggle with a debilitating, even devastating recession.

In a week that has even seen the death of two disco and pop icons, Donna Summer and Robin Gibb, it seems only fitting that along comes the campest and most vacuous annual pop events of all to distract one from all the doom and gloom - yes, it's Eurovision time!

Twenty-six finalists will belt/ shriek/ screech/ whine/ purr/ maybe even sing their songs tomorrow night at the Eurovision Song Contest to be held in Baku, Azerbaijan.

Here then are my top ten for 2012, as scored Eurovision-style:


(10th) 1 point - NORWAY

"Stay" by Tooji: There's nothing to hate about the Norwegian entry, but nothing to love about it either. His voice is generic and the song is Eurovision generic to the hilt. It's very clever and very catchy chorus is why it just makes my Top 10, just nudging out Serbia. It'll do quite well on the night, although I demand it be overshadowed by the far superior entry of its neighbour, Sweden.

(9th) 2 points - BOSNIA & HERZEGOVINA  

"Korake ti Znam" by Maya Sar: A beautiful voice with a song that doesn't fully do it justice. Some interesting orchestration it may have, but the song lacks a catchy tune or memorable hook. What sells this for me is the attempt at a fulsome, intelligent sound and a genuinely beautiful voice.
    
(8th) 3 points - ESTONIA 

"Kuula" by Ott Lepland: This man has one of the best voices in this year's contest. I wasn't a fan of the song at first, but sung at the Second Semi-Final it came across powerful and sweeping, and I really liked it. Not a fantastic tune per se, but his voice and delivery is power itself. Estonia deserves to do well, although it may not.

(7th) 4 points - GERMANY 

"Standing Still" by Roman Lob: Once again Germany provides the best of the 'Big Five' automatic qualifying songs. He has a voice that is at once reminiscent of many other mellow male singers and yet distinct, with a song that sounds like many others but still memorable. Not a brilliant song, but polished and at least he has a super voice. It won't do well at all, though.

(6th) 5 points - DENMARK 

"Should've Known Better" by Soluna Samay: Bless Denmark! It has become in this new millennium what France was for me in the 80s and 90s - a perennial favourite. She has a lovely, natural voice and it is a very catchy little song. Perhaps that is its problem, though - it's just a little too 'little' and insubstantial a song. Still, I do like it, even if it'll do poorly on the night when the votes count.

(5th) 6 points - ROMANIA  

"Mandinga" by Zaleilah: Romania consistently provides some of the catchiest and best pure dance songs at Eurovision, and very much to its credit. Not a fan of the song when I saw it online, but on stage she was sexiness personified and it was damn fun to watch. Not as great as Romania's 2010 entry, but still a very good, feel-good effort. It'll do well, perhaps even very well.

(4th) 7 points - LITHUANIA 
"Love is Blind" by Donny Montell: A singer that gives it his all, and a lovely song with a great, smart riff. The said riff and mod upswing in tempo comes a bit too late for me, but I definitely like this one. It won't do well at all, and starting 4th won't do it any favours, but a really funky, groovy effort from a country that often offers funky, groovy entries.
     

And now my Top Three...

(3rd) 8 points - CYPRUS 

"La La Love" by Ivi Adamou: I know some people will positively hate this very poppy, quite repetitive little ditty, but I really like it. I find it catchy as hell, and it's for sure a terrific song to which to dance away on a dance floor. Adamou's voice was admittedly shaky and not that polished during the 1st Semi-Final, but I still love this one, even if going quite early (8th) and the countries surrounding it don't help Cyprus' chances. Greece will probably score better, of course - enough said.

(2nd) 10 points - HUNGARY 

"Sound of Our Hearts" by Compact Disco: This is the most intelligent and sophisticated entry in both lyrics and composition. I really love aspects of this very mod song. It didn't translate that well on stage during the First Semi-Final, but I was thrilled when it made it to the Final, as I did not expect that. It'll do poorly on the night, but to hell with that - well done, Hungary!

And finally...

without any doubt for me...

my ABSOLUTE favourite song of the 2011 Eurovision Song Contest...

1st with DOUZE POINTS...SWEDEN!






"Euphoria" by Loreen: The first time I heard this the hairs stood up on my body. I just knew this was my instant favourite, and an ultra-modern techno dance hit to beat all others. She has a terrific voice, the synthesized orchestration is sublime in places and the shifts in tempo quite superb. And I think it may just win too. This not only deserves to win Eurovision, it deserves to be a major dance hit all over the world.

GO SWEDEN!!!!!

And there they are - my favourite ten songs for this year's Eurovision.

Countries I really liked that didn't make the Final:

SAN MARINO, BELGIUM, THE NETHERLANDS, PORTUGAL and SWITZERLAND - in that order. Notice how they're all Western European countries...hmmmm. Especially galling when utter shite like Russia, Turkey, Greece and Moldova got through. So it goes every year at Eurovision.

Now the other finalists...

The UK made a nice gesture by having Engelbert Humperdinck sing their entry, and, although the song is innocuous enough, it's frankly weak and it won't fare well.

Many rave about Iceland, a country I often really enjoy at Eurovision, but I simply can't get into it, finding it somewhat disjointed and the type of heavy Celtic angle that doesn't work for me. It'll do mid-table to quite poorly. Ditto with the raves for Spain's entry, which I simply cannot like, much as she has a strong voice and the song tries to have gravitas and power. When, oh when will Spain again send a decent song to Eurovision? It won't do well either, which is fine with me, gracias.

France, once my perennial favourite Eurovision country, continues its trend of offering songs that are quite unique but that I'm somehow not mad about. Their entry this year is quite catchy, with some interesting riffs, but I find it somewhat soulless and not a great dance tune. Italy's tune is quite mod and funky in a retro '60s sort of way, and the singer's vocals strong and quite reminiscent of Amy Whinehouse, but I'm just not much of fan of this one. Maybe it'll be a lot stronger sang live on the night. Neither nation will do well, although Italy should at least beat France. France may well come last, methinks.

Serbia has a very attractive male balladeer with a superb voice, but with a song that simply doesn't draw me in enough and is never memorable. Having said that, his performance at the Second Semi-Final was excellent, and I have a feeling this entry will do very well on the night, maybe even achieving a top three finish. Being the third-last song on the night will also help its chances a lot.

Malta is okay and inoffensive pop, but nowhere near the best dance or pop in this year's crop, and it's too forgettable. It'll do well enough though. So, pretty much as Malta usually does. Macedonia's entry has powerful, powerful female vocals let down by a pretty ugly composition sung in a not-too-pretty language. It should do quite well to mid-table on the night, though. And it's late in the line-up, which must help.

Host nation Azerbaijan's entry is polished and respectable enough, although hardly memorable, and perhaps a bit too cynical in its pro-forma composition for its own good. It'll no doubt score very well, and very possibly come in the top 5 when the votes are in. The Ukraine has a catchy, if very generic song, an entry which I liked online but found very poorly executed at the Second Semi-Final. It's not a hateful song, but way too generic, even if it should score quite well on the night.

Albania has a woman with a killer voice who's a bit too much an Adele (the hairdo) and Bjork (the voice) wannabe. And the song is a bloody mess with way too much shrieking. Her voice should've been reined in, not let loose. I think it'll do well, though, although going very early won't help. I can live in hope. Moldova's entry has its moments but its whining rubbish for the most part and a tad too regional. Mid-table fare, although starting last on the night should be considerable help. I do hope fatigue will kill its chances.

Ireland, once so reliable in giving us great voices at the Eurovision, has those tiresome, camp and frankly untalented twins as their entry this year. Again! As if we deserved that, Dublin. Many are saying this is one of the favourites to win, and it does go late, which helps, but I have a feeling this will slump and maybe even crash and burn with the voting. I sure hope to hell that's the case.

I really hate the Greek and Turkish entries, and especially because I know all too well that they will both do very well on the night. Greece does its usual ultra-slick, ultra-safe forgettable dance number of which I'm frankly sick to death,  and Turkey comes in with a lazy, whiny and amateur song knowing full well it'll get massive votes due to the gazillion Turkish migrants all over Europe.

As for the tuneless, guileless and frankly stupendously bad babushkas from Russia - the less said about that horror, the better. HORRIBLE! The fact that Russia and its band of ugly, grinning grannies got through to the Final is testament to just how flawed the voting system at Eurovision continues to be. The old hags can't even bloody sing. A travesty.

Russia, Turkey or Greece winning will be absolutely horrendous and totally undeserving. They will all do very, very well in the voting, of course, which means I'll spend the entire voting part of the evening with my stomach in a knot, hoping none of them wins. No, no, NO!

Well, here it is again - it's almost Eurovision time! And thank goodness for that.