RAVE: The Cup Runneth Over (and Out)

The 2010 football World Cup comes to an end today. South Africa has done itself proud. It has showcased a (mostly) well run and well-regarded World Cup. As I always knew it would. Perhaps now a few less Americans will think we all live in huts without electricity (well, a few million amongst us actually do, but that's a whole other issue) and walk on dirt roads alongside herds of antelope, lions and elephants.

The month has gone by quickly, it must be said. And, whilst there were some great goals and a (very few) great matches, I must admit that I'm actually quite happy that this whole event is finally coming to an end.

For the following, I am most grateful:

• No more vuvuzelas
• No more being a FIFAdom. Now we can just be corrupt, South African style
• No more of those tiresome and endless countdowns
• No more overpaid, over-pampered and overrated football 'stars'
• No more of those garish yellow shirts worn by locals 'supporting our boys' every Friday
• No more ersatz patriotism
• No more flags, flags, flags everywhere...and I mean everywhere
• No more South Africans feeling 'proudly African' (whilst being the most xenophobic Africans on the continent)
• No more vuvuzelas
• No more yucky, gut-churning local adverts with 'rousing', viva South Africa themes
• No more Shakira warbling that horrible 'Waka Waka' song 
• No more the words '2010' having so much (too much) meaning for an entire nation
• No more bloody World Cup
• Did I mention no more vuvuzelas?

For all these reasons, and more, I am grateful.

Now on to the post-Cup revelations and scandals and national depression. It may be a bumpy ride.

RANT: King Shaka Would've Wept

South Africa has fared commendably well in hosting the 2010 World Cup. Our FIFAdom has done the world's biggest football showcase proud (not to mention the money-grabbing FIFA capos and local elite, of course).

But there have been some major gaffes along the way. The Bavaria beer mini skirted Dutch lasses come to mind. But few things about this World Cup have infuriated me more than the debacle that occurred at King Shaka International Airport in Durban on Wednesday night. Okay, the infernal vuvuzela has infuriated me more, but this comes damn close.

It was the night that Spain were playing Germany in the semi-finals of the Cup at the Durban stadium. So, naturally, the airport was quite busy with flights coming in and out. So busy that three aircraft, two from Johannesburg and one from Cape Town, were forced to return to their departure airports because there were no parking bays available.

Yip, that's right, a purpose-built spanking brand new airport which cost R6.8-billion (almost a billion US dollars) and dubbing itself 'International' just couldn't cope with a few extra domestic flights. So much for planning, guys.

The kind of planning that would have made the famous Zulu warrior, King Shaka, roar with anger. Or weep in shame.

But it gets better. The actual reason given by the Airports Company South Africa (ACSA) as to why the three planes had to return was because...wait for it, because it's jaw-dropping stuff... there were simply too many 'VIP' jets on the tarmac that refused to budge.

What?!

That's right. A bunch of VIP jets had supposedly parked willy-nilly all over the tarmac (as one would expect at an international airport during an international event) AND, better still, flatly refused to budge when asked to do so by air traffic control.

As a result, 700 people were left stranded back in Johannesburg and Cape Town. And many of them were football fans who had spent small fortunes on flights and tickets to attend the semi-final in Durban.

Have you ever heard such outrageous crap in all your life?!

Let's consider:

1. Since when does an airport authority and traffic control get told what to do by any airplane or any pilot sitting on any tarmac at any airport?
2. What happened to that trusted, ages-old stalwart which is absolutely mandatory for any flight anywhere in the world, namely a flight plan? You know - the one that allows a flight to take off from one place so that it may actually land at its pre-scheduled destination? Barring inclement weather or security issues or some type of emergency, why else should an aircraft not land at its destination?
3. A fleet of jets belonging to a bunch of self-important VIP tossers who are too arrogant and self-important to shift on a tarmac is not an emergency.
4. Would these same aircraft pilots for these Very Very Important People dare to pull such a stunt at an airport in Europe? Or the United States? Or most other countries for that matter? No, of course they wouldn't dare. But this is Africa - so to hell with us and our silly little aviation needs and rules.
5. Who exactly are these 'Very Important People' who can have their jets do as they please at an airport and have ACSA running around like headless chickens and making the most appallingly stupid excuses to these passengers and the South African public the next day? I want to see a list of these pompous, arrogant schmucks.
6. If this isn't a superb example of just how elitist and 'VIP'-whored this World Cup (and the world in general these days) has become, then I don't know what is.
7. Is it any surprise that some of these pesky little VIP jets belonged to FIFA? Enough said.

On their website's homepage, ACSA has a press release entitled "ACSA claries the King Shaka International Airport congestion". I think they meant to say clarifies. Ahem.

And that word "congestion" does rather rankle.

The latest travesty is that, after much outcry by passengers and the media alike, ACSA has now deigned to reimburse those passengers who had the Trip From Hell that night. BUT, let it be known, only those people who can prove that they had tickets for the game that night and were intending to attend. So to hell with those other suckers that night on those three aircraft who just happened to be flying to Durban for whatever other (clearly totally irrelevant) reasons. They lose all their money. That does make sense.

ACSA has been nothing short of an embarrassment. This entire debacle has been nothing short of an embarrassment.

The capitulation to those who consider themselves above the law and, of course, the rest of us is beyond embarrassing. It's disgusting in its blatant and feudalistic elitism.

So much for having an 'equal and fair' playing ground for all fans at this year's FIFA(dom) World Cup.

Do you get my point?

RAVE: How the 'Mighty' Do Fall

I came across an excellent article today on Yahoo: http://g.sports.yahoo.com/soccer/world-cup/news/world-cup-anti-stars-shine-for-semifinalists--fbintl_ro-antistars070410.html

Entitled "World Cup anti-stars shine for semifinalists" it's an interesting review of just how the 'big stars' of football have failed at this World Cup. And just how well relative 'non-stars' are doing, particularly for the four remaining sides - Uruguay, Germany, Spain and the Netherlands.

Boy, have the 'big boys' been a let down. Being a supporter of Portugal has meant having to wince and put up with the antics of Christiano Ronaldo. To say he under-performed for Portugal is a bit like saying Tony Hayward has underperformed as CEO of BP. This 'star' is the most well-paid footballer on the planet. Yeah, we really saw that during his four matches for Portugal.

As Portuguese comedian Herman Jose jested, "Ronaldo is amazingly consistent when he plays for Portugal...he plays badly every time." How true!

The English team were another brilliant case in point - comprised mainly of a bunch of overpaid, overrated prima donas, they did poorly too. Head prima donna was that pudgy fatso, Wayne Rooney. It amazes me how the English media fawn all over that boorish yob every time there's an international competition. 

As for the French team - what a disgrace. Again - prima donnas.

Even Argentina's Lionel Messi, whom I genuinely like as a player (and unassuming, unpretentious) person, had a lackluster time, failing to even score a goal for his country. Kaka for Brazil hardly shone either.

Yet the top players for Germany and Uruguay are hardly in the same league of 'super stardom'. Yes, Klose and a few other of the German players are very well known to football lovers, but hardly the household names of a Ronaldo or Rooney. Ditto the same for most of the Dutch team. And whilst some of the Spanish players are indeed superstars, they're somehow not in that super-league either. And, to be honest, Spain have hardly wowed me with their performances to date. 

Why I love all of this is because I am so AGAINST what these superstar football players earn in the first place. This World Cup has been the comeuppance of the CELEBRITY FOOTBALL STAR - hurrah! The game has become so ridiculously inflated and rich, so brand-conscious uber alles, that some of these 'top' players, good as they might be, become so overpaid, so over-feted ,that, in the end, they start to believe all that crap. And, in the process, they become overrated.

Why the hell should you care about playing well for your country when you are a young multi(multi)-millionaire with millions more in the pipeline in sponsorship deals, other endorsements and a celebrity lifestyle to match? Who the hell cares when that anthem sounds, right? Why the hell indeed.

So we are now left with four teams in the World Cup comprised mainly of just excellent football stars who have proven that they are, above all else, not only talented but proud to play for their nations and their fans. As, until recently, it always was. As it always should be. 

If anything, this trend will be one of the long-lasting legacies of the 2010 World Cup.

How the 'mighty' do fall. Sometimes, that is indeed a good thing.

RANT: Support Who?!

It's been a World Cup that has disappointed me with all of my most favourite teams now out and annoyed me to hell and back with the emergence of the omnipresent vuvuzela.

It's also been a World Cup that has irked me because of all the ersatz patriotism that has abounded, as I ranted about in a recent post. It's an extension of this issue that brings me to my latest rant:

Why the hell is it that all of us in South Africa were automatically expected to support Ghana?! The newspapers and media were rife with headlines booming how 'Ghana was Africa's last hope' in the quarter-finals and how 'all South Africans were now behind the Black Stars (the team of Ghana)' and the like.

According to whom were all these sweeping generalizations being made?

I certainly was not supporting Ghana or any other African country for that matter. And why should I?

Perhaps it's because of the constant bleating by the South African organizers that this was to be "Africa's World Cup". Really? So then why the hell did we have to fork out all the money for all the revamped and new stadia? Where was the money from Nigeria or Ghana or Egypt or Burkina Faso for all that it took to make this the quite successful World Cup it has been? Nowhere.

Mandela, Tutu, Mbeki, Zuma, Blatter - all of them must take the blame for having bleated on and on and on about how this was "Africa's big chance" to show the rest of the world what we were capable of. What utter nonsense.

Shame on the likes of Mandela and Tutu for not realizing that you build your own national identity on who you are as a proud nation, not how you perceive yourself amongst 52 other nations.

Even the opening ceremony was decimated with tiresome song after song from other parts of Africa, nearly all of which were downright awful, and an utter disgrace when one considers that South Africa has some of the most fantastic and diverse music on the African continent. It was ridiculous.

Let's get this straight, once and for all: This was a South African World Cup organized for the large part by South Africans with the type of infrastructure and logistics that only South Africa could pull off on this continent - or at least the sub-Saharan part thereof. All this crapola about it being 'African' was just a media, marketing and political construct to bring a sense of 'ethnicity' and, perversely, 'authenticity' to an event which FIFA had the cheek to also dub 'an African tournament for the world'. No, it was a South African tournament for the world.

It's as if South Africa could never be 'authentic' enough by just being itself - one nation at the tip of the African continent made up of a gazillion different races, ethnicities, languages, creeds, etc. A unique nation in Africa, quite possibly in the world. Was that not enough for us to celebrate and share with the world? Oh no, we had to keep looking northwards and making ourselves and the rest of the world believe that all of Africa was in this together. No, it bloody well was not.

It's all part of this tiresome nation-building nonsense that one has to endure in this country. This country that, after so many years in the political and cultural wilderness due to apartheid, is now trying so hard to endear itself to the rest of Africa and, by proxy, the rest of the world. It's all so put on and so utterly unconvincing to an insider such as myself.

And let me tell you why: because Africa is not one huge homogeneous continent, whatever Sepp Blatter and the world's media might like to think. This is as fractured and as divided and as brother-hating a continent as any other. Just look at all the wars and divisions that still persist on this continent. Just look at what an inept joke the Organisation for African Unity (OAU) continues to be. And need I remind South Africans and all the Africans living in this country of the heinous and horrific attacks that took place against African immigrants just two years ago by the very locals who now fly the Ghanaian flag at football matches because we are all African brothers.

And if there is indeed so much African brotherly love in this country, then why is it that the South African Police Service (SAPS) announced just three days ago that there would be swift police action against any locals who harassed, taunted or otherwise victimized or discriminated against any African immigrants living in this country.

Time and time again in my dealings with immigrants in this country from Zimbabwe, Nigeria, Mozambique, Angola, the DRC and other African nations I have asked how they find living here. Inevitably, after a long pause or roll of the eyes, I am politely told that they mostly dislike (even hate) living in this country, primarily because of the extreme xenophobia and racism they encounter every single day - NOT from white South Africans but, time and time again when asked, from black South Africans.

So much for the African brotherhood.

This is not an anti-Africa diatribe. This is anti-hypocrisy and anti-political correctness diatribe. The hypocrisy of a nation that is mostly unwelcoming, even violent, to other Africans and yet gets all hyper-emotional about the last African team standing in the World Cup. The political correctness of our local media and that of the international media in supporting the 'African' (read: poor, exploited, corrupt, disadvantaged) team. Even the English media told all their readers and listeners to 'get behind Ghana' after their own appalling and overrated national team were ousted? Why? Is it because they're from a 'poor black country' that happens to speak English?

And how utterly patronizing to assume that an entire continent would support a single team! As if Algeria is identical to Guinea which is identical to Zimbabwe. It's like shouting that Germans and Serbians and Portuguese must support Italy just because the latter is European! The hell they will! Or that Venezuelans and Chileans and Bolivians should be ecstatic if Brazil or Argentina were to win. Yeah, right! And why the hell should they? Just because they're all on the same continent? Europeans wouldn't do it, nor would Latin Americans or Asians - so why the hell should that utterly silly double-standard be applied to an entire continent of a billion, incredibly diverse and polyglot people like Africa?

Is Africa really that desperate for identity and a sense of self? Or is it just the imposition of how a frankly racist world media, that hasn't a blinking clue of the historical, political and cultural realities of Africa, feels Africa should feel about itself? A self-perpetuating myth that, amazingly, so many Africans it seems have swallowed in full themselves and regurgitate back to a patronizing and self-important politically correct world?

It's modern racist neo-colonialism at its worst. And Africa seemingly buys it hook, line and sinker.

What the hell do I have in common with Ghana? Why must I feel all 'African' just because of where I was born or happen to live? I'm of European and Latin descent and Roman Catholic-born. I had more in common, culturally and otherwize, with Uruguay that night. And I was overjoyed when they beat a rough-playing, dirty Ghanaian side. Thrilled. And I know a lot of that joy surfaced because I resented being made to feel that I should somehow support Ghana just because they're from the same continent as the country in which I live. To hell with that nonsense. Viva Uruguay!

And I did wonder: what if the last African team in the competition had been Algeria? Would there have been quite the same fervour to support another African team in this country? Hmmm, interesting point that.

Ghana didn't deserve it. Ghana was not robbed. Ghana did well enough, but went far enough. Ghana were just the latest poster boys in the patronizing political correctness that grips the world every time we have one of these events. It could have been Cameroon or Cote d'Ivoire or Nigeria. They're all African after all. All black (well, mostly). All the same, right?

And so the last remaining African team is out of the World Cup. And I am glad for it, even if the rabid African-biased hypocrisy in this country's national media continues. Less talk about this mythic, delusional 'African dream' would be a relief. Let the underdog now be a small South American nation of just three million people that happens to play better football. And deserve it more.

At this World Cup hosted, paid for and run by South Africa. A huge risk and a self-belief that belongs to South Africa. Not Africa.

Thank you very bloody much.

Do you get my point?

RANT: Ersatz Patriotism

In just over a week the 2010 World Cup will come to an end in South Africa. To be brutally honest, thank goodness.

Not only has the football been mostly far from scintillating, but both the teams I was supporting, Italy and Portugal, are out. And deserve to be out, by the way. So now I'm left with supporting Argentina - who I do believe deserve it, have played mostly well and, well, Argentina under Maradona would just be a terrific winner. The only other team remaining that I can remotely support are Germany - and they're up against Argentina in a quarter-final. Typical.

It's also been a World Cup for me blighted by the worst gift South Africa has given to the world since apartheid - that wretched vuvuzela.

But I think another thing that has so irked me about this World Cup is all the rampant patriotism that I've seen around the country and had to endure for the last few months, and especially in the last few weeks. It has been an absolute overdose.

 Flags, flags, flags everywhere. Even I (half-hearted) got into it by buying a huge Portuguese flag for my mom (fat lot of good that did) and even wore an Italy bracelet and scarf given to me by said mom (even bigger fat lot of good...). I was even given a small Italian flag to have fluttering from my car. I guess that's where my I drew the line.

I used to love flags - now I bloody hate them.

Why is that? I really can't say. I'm not feeling particularly Scrooge-esque these days. I really did try and get into it all. After all, I've always enjoyed the World Cup. Perhaps it's because it seemed somehow so forced for me to get into that, that for others to be doing it just seemed silly and trite. Who knows, perhaps that is Scrooge-esque of me.

Maybe it was just too much damn build-up to this World Cup in this country. Billboards, electronic signs and newspapers kept us on a breathless daily countdown to the opening day as if our very lives depended on it. For months every Friday leading up to the World Cup many locals would get all togged up in the national soccer shirt of South Africa. Never mind that the garish yellow and green strip is kitsch and ugly beyond belief. I know that for me it was one of most utterly annoying little 'traditions' in living memory. It just annoyed the hell out of me to see all of this money being spent on crappy, ugly FIFAdom shirts in a country with nearly 40% unemployment, an utterly crap and corrupt government and one one of the most racially fractured populations on the planet.

And we got flooded with an endless stream of advert after advert of how 'just how immensely proud we are to be hosts of the 2010 World Cup', all set to the most searingly rousing (read: painful) and tear-inducing music and images. It was enough to make one puke. I nearly did on a few occasions.

Yeah, yeah, we were the hosts, but it seemed a put-on - too much effort for a nation with an entirely schizophrenic and divided national character.

I can't wait to be back to a Friday when I don't have to be assaulted by all those awful canary yellow shirts.

Even today I nearly burst out laughing when I walked into my local video store and, it being a Friday, all the employees had their yellow South Africa football shirts on! Puh-leeze! South Africa didn't even make it through the first round and got eliminated from the tournament over a week ago, for crying out loud!

It's all so unconvincing. It's ersatz patriotism.

Perhaps upon reflection I can surmise that my antipathy to all this ersatz flag-waving paraphernalia has to do with the world in which we live. A world that seems more corporate and less 'national' than ever. A world where national governments seem more inept than ever and more willing to kowtow to corporatist fascism and global finance. A world where over-pampered, overrated and overly arrogant prima donnas like Christiano Ronaldo, Wayne Rooney and that Frenchman Anelka can't even play well enough for their own countries to even justify why they earn such obscene amounts of money for just kicking a ball around.

When I consider all that, I guess all this flag-waving and chest-thumping just seems hollow and puerile. Unconvincing. Ersatz.

So for now I'll watch a few of the remaining games and hope that Argentina goes on to win. And quietly hide my Italian flag away, of course.

And I'll reflect upon a time when flags and national anthems and all that really did stir something inside me during the World Cup or any like event. And wonder why now it all seems so much like pantomime.

Do you get my point?

RAVE: Viva Portugal!

Yesterday at the World Cup, Italy made me utterly embarrassed to have a name that is so flagrantly Italian! Proud as I am of being un italiano, their performance against New Zealand was the stuff of nightmares and passport changes. Dirty and (s)crappy football the New Zealanders may have played, but the Italians only have themselves to blame for such a pathetic result.

I still think Italy will make it through to the next round, by the way - scraaaaaaaping through, once again...anyway...

I can only say today THANK GOODNESS I'M HALF-PORTUGUESE!!!

Italianissimo my name and surname may indeed be, with my entire paternal side italiano, but whilst my maternal side is decidedly more 'mixed' (with everything from German to French to Danish - and more - thrown in there), it is predominantly Portuguese. I lived in Portugal for a few years, even finishing my high schooling there, had countless holidays in beautiful Lisboa and Cascais, grew up surrounded by Portuguese food, music and language, etc etc.

Enfim, I have claims to my Portuguese heritage. Relief.

Because today Portugal were frankly STUNNING in their 7-0 annihilation of North Korea.

What a display of finesse, of beautiful, flowing and attacking football - and, well, undoubtedly THE performance of any single team in a match in this World Cup thus far.

I even had love, even affection, for Ronaldo today - and that's saying a lot.

North Korea pushovers, huh? Yeah, well, they had tons more possession against the highly fancied Brazilians than they did against Portugal, and Brazil could only muster a 2-1 victory against the plucky Asians in the end.

Portugal deserved all the goals they got. Portugal deserve all the praise they get. They were sublime.

Can they build on the momentum? Are they now one of the true dark horses to take it all the way? Who knows. Frankly, who cares. Today they made their own history and they gave this World Cup ever so much more magic.

PORTUGAL!!!

PORTUGAL!!!

VIVA PORTUGAL!!!

RANT: Seeing Orange

It's World Cup time and with my seeing red because of those infernal and wretched vuvuzelas, I'm now seeing orange. A bevy of thirty-six ladies from the Netherlands dressed in orange, to be exact.

And the skimpy orange miniskirts that got them all arrested.

The whole debacle arose when said thirty-six Dutch beauties wore a certain orange miniskirt ensemble to their Dutch side's match against Denmark. Just after the match all the ladies were promptly arrested by our ever-vigilant South African police.

Their crime? They were supposedly part of some 'ambush marketing campaign' by the Dutch beer company, Bavaria beer. Turns out that their alluring orange attire is somehow 'sneaky' backdoor advertising by the beer company. Of course, the real issue is that one of the official sponsors to this FIFAdom love fest, namely Budweiser, took offence to a rival beer company getting a 'free ride' without having to fork out all those millions in sponsorship fees to the FIFA Mafia in Zurich. 

I also have a sneaking suspicion that another Dutch rival, Heineken, may also have sparked the FIFA-sanctioned arrests, given that Heineken are also affiliated with the FIFA capos via their deal with UEFA. 

FIFA cried foul, stating that this ambush marketing was in defiance of sponsorship money (all to FIFA, of course), trademarks, etc. South African law, uber-capitalist to the hilt, whatever the governing ANC might say about being the 'peoples' party', didn't hesitate to put the ladies in handcuffs given our particularly strong intellectual property laws.

South African law is very harsh (read: uber-capitalist, patriarchal and, ultimately, anti-competition) when it comes to ambush marketing or any other type of 'unfair' marketing or trading practice.

As a South African I'm embarrassed and infuriated. Here we are, yet again, kowtowing to corporatist special interests and the Mafiosi henchmen of the Local Organizing Committee, yes, good ol' FIFA.

This is just plain sour grapes by the likes of Budweiser (and, let me say it again, Heineken) who've spent a fortune paying the protection racket dues (aka 'sponsorship') of the FIFA Mafia, when a much smaller brewer has come along and stolen their thunder - without having spent a cent and without a single one of their logos in view. And, of course, the FIFA Mafia having to protect their racket, benevolent godfathers of the football world that they are.

Yeah, I know, it's all business. And it stinks. Copyright legislation and sponsorship contracts and deals are strangling any initiative for ordinary South Africans to make a decent buck out of this bloody World Cup. And now not even a market-savvy and smart foreign company can try and capitalize by spending less than the big boys - even if not a single one of their own logos or brands are visible in any way, shape or form.

I believe Bavaria beer pulled a similar stunt at the 2006 World Cup in Germany and were thwarted at the last minute by German authorities at the stadium. So, they did it again in 2010, this time probably thinking that they'd get away with it if they didn't show their logos or brand. But they got 'caught out'. What a damn pity - and all power to them for having tried, even if their main goal was to obviously sell more beer of their own.

Now I see pundits on Sky News parroting at how FIFA must protect their trademarks and sponsorship deals, etc. Yeah, right. And where's the free enterprise in all of this overt protectionism of contractual and commercial 'rights'?

It makes me so angry.

I'm ashamed that this gutless host country that I call home for now genuflects with such ease to foreign, corporate interests. That's right, South Africa - show your ass. That's all you're good at doing when it comes to foreign interests that line the pockets of this country's elite and strangle any attempts to not be part of the racket.

I'm ashamed that 36 women who are guests in my country are arrested and treated like common criminals, even if for four hours or so, just because they partook in a game of corporate gamesmanship, all in the name of uber-capitalist, apartheid era legislation that only protects Big Money.

And I'm furious that a bunch of unaccountable and corrupt Zurich-based Mafia in full collusion with transnational corporations, not to mention this country's authorities, see fit to allow this to happen here in this country.

It's an outrage. And the further encroachment of just how much increasing power commercial and transnational entities believe (AND KNOW) they have in a supposedly global market based on 'free enterprise'.

This is not free enterprise. It's not even about the protection of commercial rights. This is genuflection to the highest bidder; the most extreme whoring of the entire market to those with the most money vested and, therefore, the most rights.

This is a warning to us all as to just what lengths corporations will go to protect their (self) interests. It is dangerous precedent.

Do you get my point?

RAVE/ PREDICTIONS: World Cup Hopes

I will keep this one short and I shall keep it brief. It's all to do with which countries I would love to win the World Cup, the one country that I believe will actually win it and those I believe simply won't make it.

First off, sorry Bafana Bafana, you're just not going to make it. The South African guys availed themselves quite well against Mexico in the opening match of the tournament. But this is a team I simply cannot get excited about - their football is simply not world class.

For me, my two favourites have to be the two countries that comprise the majority of my (rather multi-national, rather crazy!) heritage: Italy and Portugal.

Portugal are notorious for being 'chokers' and this is not their strongest squad ever, but at least when they play exciting football, it's great to watch. And never, EVER discount Italia - as so many have been doing prior to this World Cup. Italy has 'no chance', many say. Oh yeah? And just how fancied were they before the 2006 World Cup which they went on to win? Not very much, I can assure you.

Italy are like Germany. You never, ever discount them at this level of football championships.

There are some very fancied teams that many are saying have a very good chance of winning it this time around, all of which I actually disagree with: Netherlands (huge chokers, just like the Portuguese - the Dutch will not win); England (always overrated, just never have what it takes to win in the end, and this year will be no different for the Limeys) and, to a lesser extent, those perennial under-performers, Spain.

This time around, I do think there is a (very) outside chance the Spanish could just go all the way. But for me it's such an outside chance it's not even worth placing a proper bet on. The Spanish just don't convince me, much as I do enjoy their football and style.

Of course, as ever, Brazil have to be one of the favourites and they, just like Italy and Germany, can never ever be discounted. Yes, they could win it. I would be a fool to discount that much raw talent and pedigree of heritage.

This is not the time for an African country to do it. Nor do I foresee any huge shocks like a USA or a Serbia or one of those other 'really dark horses' to make it all the way and win it. It's just not going to happen, methinks.

So who do I actually think is going to win the 2010 World Cup?

ARGENTINA

Yes, Argentina are my bet. I've been saying it for months leading up this World Cup, and I will stand by it: this is the country that has the talent and the oomph to make it all the way and win it.

And I really hope that they do. They play great football (if a bit dirty times, it be said). It has the world's most exciting player at present - Lionel Messi. It's a great country deserving of a triumph like this. I want it for Argentina for what it stands for in Latin America, for the culture it has given the world, for its troubled past, for what it went through with that disgusting bunch of international finance Mafia in 2002, the IMF, and for everything that Argentina is.

Not to mention that there are more of my family name in the telephone book of Buenos Aires than in Italy!

FUERZA ARGENTINA!!!

FORZA ITALIA!!!

FORCA PORTUGAL!!! 

RANT: Cacophony From Hell

Today is the start of the month-long World Cup here in South Africa. It's football at its best. It's flags and colour and great atmosphere. It's an event that I usually look forward to every four years.

Vittorio should be happy.

Vittorio is not.

I cannot remember the last time a momentous occassion has annoyed me more or when I've wanted something so huge and so all-encompassing to just hurry up and finish. So what the hell's the matter with me? I admit a recent and ongoing bout of really bad upper bachache is not helping at all. Amazing how much pain and lack of good sleep can turn one into Irritation Central.

So, yes, I'm not in the best of moods these days. I admit that. But I had to ask myself yesterday and again today why I was so utterly irritated with this whole World Cup malarkey. Surely it couldn't just be a lousy back that is making me feel so grouchy and ready to slap everything in sight, right?

Absolutely right. Because I have figured out what to me has become synonymous with this sporting event in this country and why I am hating it so:

It's noise. And not just any old noise or a combination of noises typical of these sporting events. Oh, no - we should all be so lucky. No, this is a very specific, very distinct noise emanating from South Africa's hellish gift to the world of musical sporting paraphernalia.

This is a noise so ear-splitting, so inharmonious, so utterly revolting it is proof-positive that Lucifer does indeed exist and that this is his diabolical musical instrument of choice.

It's the vuvuzela.

This metre-long or so instrument of hell has been a fixture of South African soccer matches since the 1990s. Soccer fans blow on them for all their worth, decimating anything and everything in its aural path.

And now it is an overwhelming fixture of this World Cup. Heaven help me.

Trust me, there are many who share my hatred for this little-horn-that-should-never-have. And everyone has their own version of what it reminds them of. To me, it sounds like an amorphous cloud of gigantic mosquitoes out of some really horrific sci-fi movie. Here are some other opinions of what the wretched vuvuzela sounds like (and I quote):

- "a groaning, constipated cow in full groan";
- "a demented foghorn"
- "a very badly tuned, super loud French horn"

- "what hell would sound like"

You get the picture.

And it is loud. Oh brother, is it LOUD.

Occupational hygiene issues such as noise-induced hearing loss have been a part of my work for nearly ten years now, so I know a thing or two about how bad excessive noise can be for one's ears. Yet even I was stunned at the decibel readings of this diabolical instrument, as shown on the table below - 127 decibels - even more ear-splitting than a jumbo jet taking off - that is L-O-U-D!!!!!

For more info on just how bad vuvuzelas can be for a person's hearing, follow this link: http://allafrica.com/stories/201006071455.html

Today was hell on Earth for me. Having hardly slept most of the night, I awoke in the early morning to the nearby screeching of vuvuzelas, I take it by little children on their way to a nearby school. Fetching money at a local ATM in my lovely suburb I was accosted by some lunatic in dreadlocks giving it all his worth across the street. I nearly went over to snap his vuvuzela in two, yank on his dreadlocks and deck him. Instead I huffed away, my aching back intensified, my mood darkened.

Then, to compound my misery,  as I drove up to my physiotherapist I saw to my horror that right opposite were two breezy young lasses blowing to their hearts content on the sidewalk to passing cars. It took everything for me not to accelerate my car, mount the sidewalk at full speed and run the bitches over, vuvuzelas and all.

And all around me people honking their horns like mad, flying their South African flags or just grinning inanely, all caught up in this 'magical' moment of patriotic fervour and pride. How touching. Never have I come so close to wanting to set fire to my South African passport. Along with a heap of vuvuzelas, of course.

Much to my delight, I have now read reports online that the vuvuzela could be better at transmitting viruses than shouting or even sneezing! Where the hell is the World Health Organization when you need it?

The vuvuzela is noise personified. Never mind invading one's space - it invades one's very core, one's very soul. My only hope is that so many people from other countries, not to mention players and referees on the pitch, will complain so much about how irritating it is that it simply won't take off after this World Cup or, better still, maybe even be banned FIFA. That would be the first FIFA action I would fully support, nay, celebrate.

But for now I and others must tolerate this noise worthy of a year's supply of Prozac. Or a month-long vacation in the Antarctic, just for the quiet. Oh, the quiet.

It's going to be a very looooooooooong month.

Do you get my point?

RAVE: Book of the Month - "Foul!" by Andrew Jennings

My rave for tonight is with regard to the best book I read during this month of May. Its entitled "Foul! - The Secret World of FIFA: Bribes, Vote Rigging and Ticket Scandals" by Andrew Jennings, a top UK-based investigative journalist.

It seems so utterly appropriate to have my last post on this particular issue on the very eve of the World Cup here in South Africa.

This book just puts the entire shameful 2010 World Cup debacle (as I discussed at length in an earlier post on this blog) into such sharper focus.

The blurb on "Foul!" on http://www.amazon.com/ describes the book very well: "Andrew Jennings, the world's foremost investigative sports reporter, spent four years delving into the dark side of 'the beautiful game'. The result is this explosive and damning expose of the officials that run football's world governing body FIFA - a story of how the 'men in suits' put personal ambition and money before the fans on the terraces. No individual has managed to penetrate the secret world of FIFA. Until now. Andrew Jennings, the world's leading sports investigative reporter, has unearthed the stories that FIFA doesn't want told. He blows the whistle on an international cash-for-contracts scandal and reveals how some football officials have been urged to secretly repay the sweeteners they received. He asks why FIFA President delayed acting against troubled marketing company ISL, who wrongly withheld GBP 45 million of FIFA's cash. He exposes the vote-rigging that went on behind closed doors in the fight for control of FIFA. Jennings has researched in the Americas, Africa, Asia and Europe. He has uncovered damning evidence and persuaded FIFA insiders to talk to him about the questionable business practices they've witnessed. "Foul!'s" mix of world-class probing journalism, compelling storytelling and dark humour make this the most important book ever written about the men who control the people's game." 

It's suffice to say that the book is pure genius. Jennings takes no prisoners in what is a stunning and insightful expose of the putridly corrupt organization that is FIFA. This is page-turning, gripping and compulsive investigative journalism at its best.

Jennings previously blew the lid off another putrid world sports organization, namely the International Olympic Committee (IOC), entitled "The Great Olympic Swindle: When the World Wanted Its Games Back", co-written in 2000 with Clare Sambrook. That is one book I simply must get my hands on ASAP, if his brilliant book :Foul!" is anything to go on!

It is one scandal after another, with a particular focus on the current President of FIFA, one Herr Sepp Blatter and his posse of cronies and lackeys, all corrupt and venal to some extent or another. Blatter comes off mightily badly - as he should do, given the overwhelming evidence of his explicit and tacit dealings in the corrupt cesspool that is FIFA today.

Former President of FIFA, the odious Brazilian, Joao Havelange, and the head of the CONCACAF football federation (the federation for North and Central America and the Caribbean), a certain Jack Warner from Trinidad and Tobago, also come off particularly badly, corrupt bastards that they are.

Jennings shows in no uncertain terms just how tarnished and muddied the Beautiful Game has become. Awash with money and influence, yes, but rotten to the core.

His writing style is crisp, easily read and unravels itself, layer by enticing layer, like a top-class whodunit.

Besides, what's not to love and admire about a man who write a book that FIFA wanted banned?!

Enough said. He's a class act, is Mr. Jennings. And his book is a class read.

RANT: World Cup Sham(e)

I have been putting off writing this particular post for nearly a month now. It is so overdue. And now I simply must get it written...

This rant is about what should have been and what, unfortunately, and much to the detriment of an entire nation, has actually happened.

The FIFA 2010 World Cup to be hosted here in South Africa is almost upon us. In just over ten days the eyes of the world will be upon this southern tip of Africa as it becomes the first African country to host the world's biggest sporting extravaganza, barring the Olympic Games. The atmosphere here in Johannesburg is palpable, as I'm sure it is in other major cities in the country - flags billow from just about every corner and business, and even small flags flutter from the sides and tops of people's cars, the refrain of 'Our Time Has Come' is endless and constant.

Ever since South Africa won the vote to host the Cup back on May 15th 2004 this country has been readying itself for this momentous occasion. And the momentum has been gathering pace, especially in the past few months. Just saying '2010' has become synonymous with a nation's destiny, it would seem.

And now the time is almost here.

And what a huge disappointment it is all turning out to be.

That is not to say that South Africa won't put out all the stops to ensure a great show and even make a success of being host to the World Cup. I'm quite sure South Africa will do well, even very well, as host. There will almost certainly be a few hiccups. And one can only hope that cowardly terrorist bastards won't use the Cup to set off bombs or otherwize terrorise innocent fans and people. That is my most fervent wish for this Cup. South Africa should do well - very well, in fact. And it deserves that.

It's all the promises and nonsense hype and selling out of this nation and its people by the government and elite that upsets me no end. South Africans were promised a world event that would change this country, somehow fantastically transform it in its post-apartheid nation-building. What crap. The World Cup in this country has come to mean corruption, false promises and outright greed, both corporate and governmental.

The list, unfortunately, is endless.

Enter FIFA...

1. The South African organizers have sold out this country lock, stock and barrel to one of the most corrupt, disgusting professional bodies on the planet, namely FIFA. This Zurich-based organization for world football would make the Mafia blush, so secretive, unethical and corrupt are its business practices. More on that another time. For the purpose of this post, it is enough to state that , thanks to the sell-out by South Africa to FIFA, the following words are copyrighted exclusively to FIFA here in South Africa:

- '2010'
- 'football'
- 'soccer'
- 'World Cup'
- 'FIFA World Cup'
- '2010 World Cup'
- ' June 11th to July 11th 2010' [the duration of the World Cup)
- and any similar words

And this for the entire duration leading up to and including the entire period of the World Cup. That means that any company, corporation, person or any entity whatsoever that wishes to use those words in their promotions or for their products can only do so after paying royalties to FIFA. And I mean any.

Already countless organizations, companies and people have been threatened with legal action and even taken to South African courts for 'infringing' these copyrights held by FIFA for the World Cup. An entire program on one of the most popular South African radio stations last week was dedicated to just this astounding state of legal affairs. It was reported that South African courts are already getting jammed with these lawsuits and injunctions by FIFA and the organizing committee here in South Africa against companies and individuals. And it is known that South African judges won't even look at the merits of the defendant's case when they learn that FIFA et al are the litigants. No case. FIFA has copyright. Next.

FIFA got mega-lucky in that South African law courts are notoriously pro-property rights over individual rights. Thanks very much, you local legal bastards.

2. Stories I have personally heard, almost all concerning black entrepreneurs or local businesses, abound as to how people thought they could make a little money (or even, heaven forbid) a lot of good money out of South Africa being host nation, only to be stopped in their tracks by the FIFA crowd brandishing their copyrights. These include:

- a female entrepreneur who tried to get trinkets made by local artists in the shape of footballs over a year ago only to be told that she was forbidden to do so as she had no copyright from FIFA;

- another female (as well as black, let it be known) entrepreneur who bought a fast food franchise near a host stadium, hoping to cash in on early 2010 business, as well as, obviously, on business during the Cup itself, only to face an injunction ordering her not to open until after the World Cup is finished. That is, have a fast food joint ready but not open for business for five months or more. She has stated she will almost certainly be forced to go out of business even before she's allowed to open for business;

- a local airline threatened with litigation by the FIFA Mafia only on the basis that they were using copyrighted words (you know, standard words like 'World Cup' and '2010' and even the stated time period) to promote off-peak sales for tickets on national routes during the World Cup. More on that one another time.

And on and on and on and on the stories continue of South Africans being shafted by the FIFA behemoth.

3. The hype surrounding how much money this country was going to make because of the World Cup was outrageous in its proportion. Hotels jacked up their prices for the period by up to 400%. Homeowners in the leafy, upmarket northern suburbs of Johannesburg suddenly told their existing tenants to get the hell out of their properties in preparation for the fortunes they were going to make for rates of up to R1000 per person per day for each hapless football tourist. And blocked off the entire months of June and July just for this purpose. As if any tourist in their right mind would want to spend more than the absolute minimum amount of days necessary in this boring, sprawling and crime-ridden city that is Johannesburg!

At first we all bitched about the sheer stupendous greed of pretentious hotels and homeowners in Cape Town (after all, in the South African lexicon Cape Town is pretentiousness), typical money-grabbing Joburgers and basically stupidly greedy people and businesses throughout the country. And all of these people were ridiculously greedy. BUT, let it be known, all of this insane greed was built around all the ridiculous hype surrounding the Cup and fueled to the hilt by both the SA government and, especially, it now transpires, FIFA and the local organizing committee.

4. The greed of FIFA in full collusion with the South African government and the disgusting super-elite of this country continues: all those top, highly lucrative FIFA copyrights are basically in the hands of just a handful of South Africa's elite, as well as, of course, Sepp Blatter (Head Capo of FIFA) and his henchmen. This has become public domain knowledge and widely reported in our national media in recent months.

5. Remember that black female entrepreneur stuck with a fast food franchise near a stadium that she cannot open for business? It gets much worse. It transpires that within a full square kilometer of the said stadium, there is an absolute block on anyone selling any type of soda, beer, etc, or any food, because both McDonalds and Coca-Cola have a total blanket on sales of food and drink in said 'exclusion zone'. Talk about monopolistic, fascistic uber-capitalism at its worst! So there goes any opportunity for any local vendor, including hundreds if not thousands of the local poor, wanting to capitalize on selling a few Fanta Oranges or Castle Lager beers or boerewors rolls (a spicy South African sausage in a roll) near the stadium during World Cup matches. Not to mention no local or other African artists allowed to sell their artwork anywhere near any of the stadia. To hell with them - they don't f***ing count, right?

6. Match, the company set up and owned by FIFA to primarily sell World Cup tickets, as well as other package tour-type promotions, etc, for the Cup has left South Africa high and dry. Just a few days ago it was divulged that they had suddenly released a further 150 000 tickets for sale, due to poor sales (not to mention at exorbitant prices and on the back of ridiculously priced package tours from Europe and other destinations to South Africa). This after the first 'release of remaining tickets' by the organizers just a few months ago. Price tickets have come down, sometimes dramatically so, as organizers realized that tickets and packages for hotels and flights, etc, simply were not selling.

And those selling estimates and forecasts were made by Match itself, with, of course, the full blessing of FIFA itself. The huge problem (not to mention bloody scandal) is that all of these tickets, hotel beds and flights to South Africa, etc, were all block booked ages ago by Match and its authorised subsidiaries and 'partners', including the national airline, South African Airways. That means promises were made of huge bookings at huge profits for the World Cup and now - just weeks and even days from the opening ceremony - Match is suddenly dumping all of these block bookings on South African and international airlines, hotels, tour operators, and the like. No explanation, no apology. And so these very companies (who, let's face it, bought into all the mass hype and outrageous promises by FIFA due to their own bloody greed) must now scramble around in these dying days prior to the World Cup just to try and sell these suddenly available tickets, etc.

The list of World Cup 2010 scandals goes on and on and on. They are being divulged now on an ongoing, seemingly daily basis. It's disgusting, even tiresome now. And such a shame when one considers how much there was by this country's poor and even not-so-poor with regard to being host of the 2010 World Cup.

All the corruption, all the politics, all the selling out of a nation's poor with over-hype and false promises, are a further indication of what a disgrace FIFA has become. And yet further proof of just how corrupt and self-serving a very select ANC-coddled elite exists and thrives in this country, a super-rich, super-powerful elite clique that is making a mockery of the liberation struggle by millions of South Africans, not to mention the unforgivable daily grind of the millions of poor in this country of supposed plenty.

This despicable elite has sold South Africa out to an unaccountable, unethical organization like FIFA - and they should be bloody ashamed of themselves. FIFA is the embodiment of a protectionist, corporatist racket masquerading as 'modern business'. The South African government and elite are more than ever the embodiment of a sham liberation democracy.

Yes, the Beautiful Game will almost certainly be beautiful at times. Yes, there was a surge of (temporary, mostly unsustainable) jobs in construction and infrastructure in this country, which was (to a certain extent) a buffer for the country's economy against the global financial crisis. And, yes, I am quite sure South Africa will do a proud job as host. Of all that I am quite sure. And so it should be.

But, in the end, when the games have been played and the tourists have gone and the magic dust has settled, the vast majority of South Africans will look around and ask themselves: What was the big deal? Where is all the money we should have made? Why didn't I, Mr. or Ms. Tshabalala or Mr. or Ms. Botha or Mr. or Ms. Chaterjee, make more hay whilst the sun shone on our nation? What's wrong with this picture?

In the end, this nation promised so much will get so very little. And that's a crying sham(e).

Do you get my point?